Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Black woman: You’re my lawyer! Ain’t it your fucking job to take care of shit like this?! All you white people, controlling everything–you’re all incompetent! Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Sandra*, please calm down.
Black woman: Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Ma’am, speaking as a white person who happens to hold $379,000 of your money in escrow, may I suggest you stop cursing at us and calm down before I get up and take your checks with me?
Black woman: I will not calm down!!
White attorney gets up and leaves the room.
Woman’s husband: See what you did? You done upset the white man. I ain’t got no problem wit you cursin’ at crackahs, but why you gotta go and piss off the white man who got all our money?
–54th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Amused white intern
Ghetto girl #1: So I was all, “As if,” and she was all, “Whatever!”
Ghetto girl #2: Yo, dat’s some fucked up shit.
Ghetto girl #1: So when I got home, I totally unfriended her on MySpace.
Ghetto girl #2: I’ma hafta smack dat bitch up, fo’ realz!
Ghetto girl #1: Oh, just unfriend her! She’d hate that even more!
–S train
Overheard by: Joe Jervis
Ghetto girl #1: So I took [the iPod].
Ghetto girl #2: See, if it was sitting on top I would take it, but I wouldn’t go through their bag. That’s just inconsiderate.
–Downtown D train
Overheard by: Brian
Headline by: Lisa
Runners-Up:
· “But When I Stabbed Her I Kept My Pinkie Finger Sticking Out” – tech98
· “Comes With Nano-Sized Morals and Earbuds to Block Out the Sounds of Your Cellmates” – Mia A.
· “If You Still Want to Listen to Nelly Furtado, Steal Another iPod Within 12 Hours” – Hunter North
· “It’s Not Like It Was Tied to His Wheelchair All That Tightly Either” – corey mcpubes
· “It’s Only Rape If She’s Wearing Undewear” – john
· “Martha Says: ‘When Jacking Someone’s Tunes, It’s Proper to Leave an Origami Swan in Their Bag. It’s a Good Thing.'” – Jatmos
· “Maybe She Was Borrowing It From a Friend, You Racist Fucks” – ceci
· “She’s Practicing So She Knows How to Get Time Off For Good Behavior” – Shane
· “That Reminds Me of the Time I Found a Walkman Next to a Dead Rollerblader.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “There’s a Big Difference Between Stealing and Stealing” – Piret
· “When I Turned the Bag Upside Down, It Was on Top. DUH!” – Redneck Jedi
Eco-Friendly ghetto girl: You saw Incovenient Truth? We gonna be underwater in, like, 50 years.
Laconic ghetto girl: Word?
Eco-Friendly ghetto girl: Yeah, we gonna be fish one day.
–92nd & West End
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!
–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jesse
Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.
–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital
Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.
–16th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alyssa
Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?
–Chili’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ada and Andi
Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.
–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th
Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.
–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria
Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: plo
Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?
–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island
Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
Sista #1: Looka there! A naked squirrel! Look like he got burnt or somebody shaved him down the middle.
Sista #2: People be eatin’ squirrels now.
Sista #1: Look like he have a mohawk.
Sista #2: It’s a little squirrel torture place somewhere. Somebody done that to him.
Sista #1: It’d have to be someone who was raised in the woods. Know how to handle a squirrel.
–Union Square
Overheard by: lost soul
Sista #1: I wish he’d take them fuckin’ pants off do I could see what he got to work with.
Sista #2: He’s a whopper!
Sista #1: His dick could make him money, man.
–Union Square
Overheard by: lost soul
Chick: Why you looking at her? Who is she?
Guy: I don’t know, but she’s sexy as hell.
Chick: Nigga please. She ain’t all that. What she got that I don’t got?
Guy: A pretty face, a nice ass, big tits, a banging body…Need I say more?
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: The girl they were talking about
Girl: Did you see those capris? They looked like the girl had her vagina on sideways!
–Windsor Terrace
