Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Tall 30-something: With my corporate job, I couldn't afford a studio at $1,850 per month, so then I became a dominatrix. But after a while, it takes over your life. You end up thinking "Well, I don't have anyone to beat up today, I'll just online shop." So I had to stop."

–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Daily Show

Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I'm sorry mistress…I'm sorry mistress.

–Broome b/w Mercer & Greene

Guy on cell in line for NJ transit bus: Call me daddy. Call me daddy! Now slap that ass. I can't hear that, slap that ass harder! Yeah, that's what I like.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Eric

Woman on cell: I'm going to spank you. Can I do that?

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: shelallie

Enthusiastic guy to friends: I probably could've whipped better today.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Eric

Six-year-old girl to little boys wrestling: Guys, why don't you to it to me? …cuz I don't care. My stomach hurts already. Guys, why don't you push me down? Because I like it!

–Central Park

Overheard by: nosey nafia

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Port Authority, Questions, S&M, Soho, Store, Violence, Women

He Fills the Little Ones with Cream

Girl: Can I have that one, please?
Donut Wagon Man: Sure, here you go. That’s the Michael Jackson.
Girl: No, I wanted this other one.
Donut Wagon Man: Oh, that’s the Janet.

–West Houston and Varick

Posted on November 19, 2014
About Celebrities, Girls, Junk Food & Fast Food, Names, Vendors & Street Performers, West Village

Hence the Metal Panties.

Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.

–78th & Madison

Posted on November 18, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Sex, Upper East Side, Weirdness

…Based on Those Inappropriate Jeans Alone.

Irritated girl, yelling at boy: No, no, no, no!
Old man, pointing at boy: No!

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: Husky Gregg

Posted on November 18, 2014
Anger Management, Boys, Girls, Old People, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

Posted on November 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Theater, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What's Your Clitoris Like?

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, it's too small to be seen easily, but it still scatters light beams.
Teenage girl #2: Well, that's a relief!

–Union Square

Posted on November 18, 2014
Girls, Height, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Talk About Rebuilding Downtown

Punk boy: Which way is Delancey Street?
Stoop guy: That’s Delancey.
Punk girl: Well, they must have moved it then.

–Essex between Delancey & Rivington

Posted on November 18, 2014
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, Punks, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

That’s What They’re Calling Anal Now

Girl #1: I love a little ethnicity…in the penis!
Girl #2: Totally, I heart the foreigners. The best I’ve ever had was a Frenchie.
Drunk guy: What? Hold on. You fucked a scrunchie?

–Houston & A

Posted on November 17, 2014
Bimbettes, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Penis, Sex & Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

These Wednesday One-Liners Have Wings

Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!

–Roseland Ballroom

Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.

–R Train

Girl: I have sexed my period away too!

–Bowery

Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Withnail

Posted on November 17, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

As Close As Two New Yorkers Can Get, I Suppose

Girl #1: So you know how New York buses have two doors, a front and a back? Well, I was running to catch the bus this morning and I got up to the back door and the bus drove away.
Girl #2: Harsh.
Girl #1: I couldn't believe it. And it was the same driver I ride with every morning. I thought we were close.
Girl #2: Apparently not.

–Broadway & 44th

Posted on November 16, 2014
Friendship, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Public Transportation

Girls