Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.

–44th & 9th

Overheard by: …right.

Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!

–110th & Amsterdam

Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!

–Starbucks, Upper West Side

Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!

–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union

Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!

–Party, W 72nd & Broadway

Posted on March 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Catholics, Christianity, Clothing, College, Default, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, God Squad, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Jews, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Rockefeller Center, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourist Attractions, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

After Many Rigorous Hours of Research, They Would Conclude He’s a Dude without a Belly Button

Girl #1: I wanna see that show Kyle XY, because he doesn’t have a belly button. I wanna know what he is.
Girl #2: Maybe he’s a sperm.

–96th & Riverside

Overheard by: ovaries

Posted on March 18, 2008
Body Parts, Cum, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Upper East Side

So You Can Eat Out of It, but No Funny Business

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.

–Ferry to Ellis Island

Posted on March 18, 2008
Default, Ferry, Girls, Gripes, Heat, Kids, Moms, Poop

Although If You Attempt to Jump Out That Window, We’re in Business

Girl: Couldn’t you just write me a prescription?
Guy: No, I can’t do that yet.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Overheard by: Barry

Posted on March 17, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Lower Manhattan, Questions

In Fact, Lie Down for a Second

Chick: I would like to become a boy for a day just so I can pee standing up.
Guy: I am not going to lie to you, it’s awesome!

–Georgia Diner, Queens

Posted on March 17, 2008
Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Pee, Queens

Touchstone of Truth Tyra Banks Is Also the Scourge of STDs

Chick #1: Hey, what are you doing?
Chick #2, sparying floor with disinfectant: Well, I heard on Tyra that you can get STDs from just walking on the same floor as someone else.
Chick #1: You did? Well, it must be true! Why didn’t you tell me?!

–1250 Broadway

Posted on March 17, 2008
Default, Girls, Idiots, Manhattan, STDs, Stupidity

But He’s So Much More Than That!

Chick #1: What do you think of Mao Zedong?
Chick #2: I don’t know… He’s from China…

–Jennifer Convertibles, 20th & Broadway

Posted on March 16, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, History & Geography, Questions, Store

My Ex-Girlfriend’s Super Clitoris: Coming to a Theater Near You!

Boy: I still have no idea what you’re trying to get me to do.
Girl: Well, what do I do to you a lot?
Boy: Suck my dick?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Oh… You want me to suck your dick?

–Hot and Crusty, 87th & Broadway

Overheard by: Amanda Fox