Who Names Their Daughter “Gayla”?

Blonde middle schooler #1: So yeah, Omar asked me if I wanted to, like, go out with him again, and I was like, ‘Um, are you talking to me?’ Fucking retard.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Ewww, Omar?! Gross! He’s, like, ghetto or something.
Brunette middle schooler: At least someone asked you out! I’m 12 and I haven’t had any love in my life. What a loser!
Redhead middle schooler: No, we are friggin’ normal. All the ghetto girls lose their virginity when they’re ten.
Blonde middle schooler #2: Yeah, that’s true.
Blonde middle schooler #1: Nick told me he wanted to do it with me last year, in sixth grade.
Brunette middle schooler: Oh my god, Gayla! What did you say?
Blonde middle schooler #1: ‘Suck my dick.’

–99th & 1st

Posted on March 14, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Kids, Race, Sex, Students, Upper East Side

However, the Sex-for-Crack Area Is Limited to behind the Cafeteria

HS girl #1: Can we not drink on campus?
HS girl #2: No, I’m pretty sure we can.

–Columbia University, 116th St

Posted on March 14, 2008
Columbia, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Questions, Students

The Hitting Is Totally New Stuff

Girl: You’re doin’ the same stuff again.
Agitated dude: No, I’m not! No, I’m not! I never hit you!

–33rd, between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: AWAG

Posted on March 13, 2008
Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Violence

It’s a Simple Process Involving an Ice Bath in My Basement

Woman: Excuse me, miss… Can I ask you a question?
Chick: Um, sure.
Woman: This might sound kind of strange, but I have a patient that looks just like you and… Have you ever considered donating your eggs?

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Posted on March 13, 2008
Default, Girls, Medicine, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Women

To Say Nothing of Your Buck Teeth and Peg Leg

Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.

–5th & 5th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Andrea

Headline by: Gimpy

Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 13, 2008
Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Latinos, Questions, Street

My 50 Plus His 75

Girl #1: It’s dangerous to walk and read at the same time, you know!
Girl #2: That’s genius.
Girl #1: It is! I got, like, 125 on an IQ test, you know. I just took it today. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I had someone helping me.

–PATH train

Overheard by: ryan link

Posted on March 13, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on March 12, 2008
Artists, Brooklyn, Cancer, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Sometimes Wednesday One-Liners Like to Play by Themselves

Teacher: Well, I guess it’s just Vomit and Dildo Day here in screen writing class.

–SVA Building, 21st St

Black queer to Chinese server: You tell Steve that he better come over and pick up his dildo or I’ma kick his ass!

–Christopher & Greenwich St

Overheard by: Justin Tang

Middle-aged stagehand to another: All I know is that I need to get a lot more KY jelly before next week.

–Striking stagehand picket line, Broadway

Dude to chick: You’ll have to wear a dildo…

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Elegant lady: That’s really one of the two great stories of your childhood, the other one being when I walked into Yhe Pleasure Chest and said, ‘Can you recommend a good vibrator for a child?’ Suddenly everyone got very quiet and still, and I gasped and said, ‘Oh, no, not like that! It’s just that… I’m a Greenwich Village mom, and she’s been using the electric toothbrush!’ They were much friendlier once they thought I was the sort of person who was going to go down the street to the market and buy some spinach, and not a dangerous pervert.

–Park Ave Bistro

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Bearded guy, excitedly: True! But what a vibrator that would be!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Argopelter

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Education, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa