Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.

–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop

Overheard by: just visiting

Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat Darcy

German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…

–Frost St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: jayloo

Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Izabela

Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Kris S.

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Drunks, Eating Out, Foreigners, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Infidelity, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punch, Strippers, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

God: You’ve Been Punk’d!

Boy: Why am I friends with you? Seriously, why would God punish me like this?
Girl: ‘Cause he’s really Satan?
Boy: Don’t you fucking get all philosophical on my ass now!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Lennon

Posted on March 11, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Grand Central, Philosophy, Questions, Religion

Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCoffee

Girl: Aw, thank you.
Barista, handing over bag of coffee: Now, that’s sexy… Real sexy… [Spanks coffee down on counter.] Bad coffee! [Girl stares and gives tip.]

–Starbucks

Overheard by: NJ

Posted on March 11, 2008
Baristas, Default, Girls, Kink, Starbucks, Weirdness

Even the Truth

Redhead: I just learned that people can become lactose intolerant from drinking too much alcohol.
Guy: I told you — the people at your intervention will tell you anything to get you to stop.

–91st St

Posted on March 11, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Lies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’ve Been Trying to Give Away As Much of It As I Can

Teen boy: C’mon! Touch the squirrel! Do it!
Teen girl: Oh, fuck no! I don’t want to get rabies!
Teen boy: Actually, city squirrels have herpes.
Teen girl: I don’t need any more of that!

–Midtown

Headline by: The Mac

Runners-Up:
· “Adam and Eve Hit the Big Apple” – haz
· “Don’t Pick Up Anything That You Can’t Put Down.” – Dan Walker
· “Squirrel: Tell Me About It!” – twoferrets
· “The Pubic Lice Keep Eating Them” – samson
· “They Are Also Notorious Rapists.” – Moldizzle
· “Unexpectedly, The Date Was Over” – J.M. Berger

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 10, 2008
Animals & Nature, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, STDs, Teens

Bilocation Is Such a Burden

Girl: What time is it, 5:30? I’m not even supposed to be out.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Because I’m in Milan!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Sara

Posted on March 9, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Liars, Lies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Time

Jerry Lee Lewis: Trust Me — No One Finds It Funny

20-ish girl #1: They are sooo funny together! Like a pencil and an eraser.
20-ish girl #2: A pencil and an eraser?
20-ish girl #1: Okay, maybe that’s not the best analogy. They’re like… a stick and a ball!
20-ish girl #2: A stick and a ball…
20-ish girl #1: Yeah. Wouldn’t it be funny if they dated?
20-ish girl #2: Wait, I thought you said they were cousins.
20-ish girl #1: Well, I’m not totally sure… But wouldn’t it be funny if they dated?
20-ish girl #2: Uh…

–Brooklyn-bound D train

Posted on March 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Gossip, On the Subway

Feedback: The Other Breakfast of Champions

Guy: Naw, you just stuck on stupid. I told you, you should’ve dropped down and sucked that nigga’s dick.
Girl, resigned: Yeah…

–1st & Union, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nat

Posted on March 9, 2008
Advice, BJs, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Williamsburg

If Being Dragged into a White Van Counts as “On Purpose,” Then Yeah

Girl: Last night we went to a party in New Jersey.
Guy: On purpose?

–Cherry Tree Bar, 4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ashley friedman

Posted on March 9, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Guys, U.S. Geography

We Took the Trail to Get Here

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.

–45th & 5th

Posted on March 8, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Tourists

Girls