Wednesday One-Liners, Approximately

Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: People are wrong.

Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jeggy

5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!

–Cafeteria, Private School

Overheard by: Maddy

Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!

–Times Square

Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!

–1 Train

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Height, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, School, Science, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Does “No Homo” Provide Enough Protection for That?

Drunk guy #1: My junk is way more prominent than your junk.
Drunk guy #2: No way, my junk is way more conspicuous than yours.
Drunk guy #1: Let's have a junk contest!

–St. Mark's & 1st Ave

Posted on December 12, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Height, Penis, Union Square and East Village

And You Call Yourself a Kardashian?

Drunk girl to another: There's like 7 miles of cock out there and I can't even get 7 inches.
Friend: I'd be happy with 4 inches.

–Chaos Club

Posted on December 6, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Height, Penis

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?

–Mott Street

Overheard by: Erica

20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: sd

Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Jenn B

Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?

–F Train

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Height, India Indians, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Street, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

I Know That, but My Penis Doesn't

Guy on cell: Dude, I am so gonna punish that pussy.
Girl sitting next to him, texting: You know you have a small penis, right?

–L Train

Overheard by: Caged Monkey

Posted on October 30, 2009
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Height, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Vagina

If Ever an “Aww, Snap!” Were Called For…

Average-sized girl: This stuff is beautiful! But it would look so blah on me. You're lucky you're a size 24 waist and can look so hot in this stuff.
Model-looking friend: Meh, it's overrated.
Average-sized girl: Yeah, right! Name one thing that's not cool about being as thin as you are.
Model-looking friend: Well, I kind of miss… eating. (awkward pause) And also, I'm a size 23 waist.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Hopes she's exaggerating

Posted on October 24, 2009
Beauty, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Height, Physical appearance, Upper East Side

But Nowhere Near As Tasty

Drunk 20-something guy: Imagine this foam finger is a beef stick. Open your mouth and eat the beef stick.
Drunk 20-something girl: Normally, the beef sticks I tend to deal with are slightly smaller.

–Q Train

Posted on September 15, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Guys, Height, On the Subway

Unlike This Guy

Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)

–N Train

Posted on September 14, 2009
Balls, Black People, Body Parts, Comebacks, Guys, Height, Laughter, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

They Rep for Elite

Hobo #1: Girl, you a model?
Hobo #2: Nah. She too short to be a model.

–51st St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: flattered

Posted on September 11, 2009
Girls, Height, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Questions

Maybe It's Time to Stop Reading Courtenay Love's Parenting Guides.

Son to mother sitting at diner: Mom, why am I so small? Am I going to grow?
Mother: Yes, honey, of course you will. You're perfect just the way you are.
(son starts blowing bubbles in his soda and asks mother to start blowing bubbles in his soda too. She starts, then looks around at some people staring at them)
Mother: You know, I just realized how gross this is.

–Diner, 53rd & 1st

Posted on September 11, 2009
Drinks, Height, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Height