Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Erections, Friends, Girls, Height, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…My Dad's Way Blacker Than That.

Girl #1: So, yeah, his dick was this big (stretches fingers). I guess the rumors about black guys are true.
Girl #2: Kinda reminds me of my dad.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, awkwardly: I was only joking!

–Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2015
Girls, Height, Incest, Manhattan, Parents, Penis, Race, Rumor Has It

Camel Toe Maybe

(two girls walk by, dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell)
Gay boy: Aww, she's so cute, that little fairy!
Flaming gay boy: (gives gay boy a look)
Gay boy: What?
Flaming gay boy: Fairies have bods. All fairies.
Gay boy (laughing): She wasn't that big.
Flaming gay boy: Bitch, fairies do not have rolls!

–LIRR

Posted on March 15, 2015
Beauty, Body Parts, Fakes, Height, Insults, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Trains Not Subway

Wanna Bet?

Girl #1: Just stop thinking about it, god.
Girl #2: I can't…it's just new, and big to swallow, y'know?
Girl #1: Well, I'm sure he's not thinking about it all the time.

–Elevator, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Kyle

Posted on March 4, 2015
Elevators, Girls, Height, Penis

…You Know How to Rhyme?

Guy: Yo girl, I gotta song for you.
Girl: Okay. What you got?
Guy, beginning to beat-box: You a five-star bitch, I got a five-star dick…
Girl: Hahahaha.
Guy: Eight inches long and just as thick…
Girl: What!? Hold up!

–W. 110th & Malcom X

Overheard by: The Music Man

Posted on February 28, 2015
Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Penis, Singing

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

Posted on February 15, 2015
Accidents, Coney Island, Default, Excretions, Family Ties, Foreigners, Height, Men, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Violence

My Ass Separates Me from Everything Contemporary

Girl #1: My ass is so big!
Girl #2: I know.
Girl #1: You biyatch!
Girl #2: Wow, way to use a four-year-old pop culture reference.

–Guggeheim

Posted on February 14, 2015
Age/Aging, Ass, Diet/Weight, Girls, Height, Insults, More museums, Words

They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?

Husband: I can't fucking believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your dick was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
(pause)
Husband: Maybe we should get a divorce.
Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your dick?

–In line, MOMA

Headline by: Baby

Runners-Up:
· “Cathy Once Again Uses Her Overwhelming Logic to Get Out Of Divorce” – Erica
· “Isn’t That What Roofies Are For?” – KJM
· “Narcolepsy Destroys Families.” – KJM
· “She Called It His “Snooze Button”” – Taylor-Like-Woah
· “The One Conversation That Every Married Couple Has Had at Least Once” – I know I have
· “This Performance Art Piece Will Be Here All Week” – TV

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 11, 2015
Breaking Up, Couples, Headline Contest Winners, Height, MoMA, Penis, Sex

Which Is Exactly What Playboy Said in Their Rejection Letter

Boyfriend: Well, what cup size are you?
Girlfriend: I'm like an A and a half and a B and a half…it sucks.
Boyfriend: So…that's a full AB plus one.
Girlfriend: You know you can't combine unlike terms!

–32nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Kimberly

Posted on February 11, 2015
Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girlfriends, Height, Physical appearance, Questions, Words

Oh, You Wanna Feel?

Female cashier about to ring up sandwich order: What do you have?
20-something guy: Subway club.
Female cashier, not looking at sandwich: What size?
20-something guy: Mine's 12 inches.
Girl behind in line, to friend: Yeah, I bet.

–Subway Restaurant

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on February 8, 2015
Cashiers, Customers, Food, Height, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes

Height

Wanna Bet?