Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
Hobo to chick: You’re looking nice this evening! [She ignores him.] Normally you look like shit.
–Lafayette & White
Hobo eating entire roast chicken: You got a quarter for some food? Haven’t eaten in days.
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: mosugs
Hobo: Hey, look! It’s everyone’s favorite bum! [He’s ignored.] Oh, geez, that went over well.
–Outside Gray’s Papaya
Overheard by: Zach
Hobo to high school students: Hey, kids — stay smart, stay in school… Yeah! Be cool, stay in school! Someone’s got to arrest me one day!
–60th & 10th
Hobo: The fed done lowered interest rates again! You gentlemen get to keep mo’ money in yo’ pocket. Please donate a dollar to help me keep these financial updates as a free service.
–Beaver St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Hobo: I take American Express!
–West Village
Overheard by: Only had a Visa
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, please help keep our trains moving. Get out and push!
–A train
Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.
–Astor Place & Cooper Square
Teen to hobo tossing empty bottle on the ground: Hey, don't leave that here! Kids play around here!
Hobo: I hate kids.
Random passerby: You can't beat that logic!
–Central Park
Hobo #1: Yo, what it is brah?
Hobo #2: I don't know man, what it is witchyou?
Hobo #1: I don't know man, but I'm tryin' to get it!
–Washington Square Park
Hobo: Yo, can I get some money?
Guy: Sorry man, can’t help you out.
Hobo: That’s aight. Things are tough for everyone. Can you at least get me some water from your sink?
Guy: Uh, okay.
Hobo: Wait, let me find a bottle.
Guy: That’s okay, I have a bottle I can give you.
He goes inside and comes back out with a bottle of water.
Hobo: Oh, thanks! Hey, wait. What, was this just sittin’ around?
Guy: No, I just filled it up from my sink.
Hobo: Oh, well, I don’t mean no disrespect. But you mind dumping this out and letting it run for a while? Shit just ain’t cold enough.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: bklyn awesome, waiting outside
Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby!
–1 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You’re gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out “drugs”?
Woman: ’cause you look high.
The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l’esprit d’escalier, and returns.
Hobo: Well, hello to you miss.
–D train
Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.
–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!
–1 Train
Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!
–N Train
Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…
–5th Ave & 14th St
Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jessi pfeufer
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make: Mayor Bloomberg is a pol pot, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior, and I am trying to get some money for a snack wrap. Your kindness is appreciated.
–4 train
Overheard by: Scotty H.
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have walked many, many miles, and I have sucked many, many dicks, but I… [doors close].
–E train, W 4th
Hobo rattling coin can as WASP lady passes: Mrs. Rockefeller, pay yo’ bills!
–79th & Lex
Overheard by: Clook
Hobo to another: So, I hear you’re an international spy now.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
Wheelbo: Can somebody give me some money so I can buy a Rolex? Please hurry. I want to know what time it is.
–80th & Broadway
Black drunk hobo: Girl, lemme tell you something. I'm a Sagittarius and we funny as shit once we're sober. Can I ask you something? Are you Russian?
Woman on subway: No.
Black drunk hobo: You look Russian. I know all about them Russians. Matter of fact, I have a book coming out later this year. It's called I Know Shit.
–1 Train
Overheard by: TVontheFritz
