Clerk guy: Has anyone in this room been convicted of a felony? Come up to the front desk.
Husband: Okay, I’m going to go up there.
He returns 5 minutes later.
Husband: Hey, I’m all done. I told you you should’ve murdered someone, you’d be out too!
–Kings County Supreme Court, Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Cassie Nicole
Teen boy: Yo, why do they call it a quarter to 8? It’s 15 minutes, and 25 is a quarter.
Girl: Huh?
Teen boy: If I say a quarter to 8, what time is it? It’s 7:45, but that doesn’t make no sense, it should be 7:35, a quarter is 25 not 15. You still don’t get it do you?
Girl: No, I get it, I get it.
Boy: It just doesn’t make no sense.
–Q54 Bus, Queens
Overheard by: Emily
Headline by: Brian Q
Runners-Up:
· “At half past eight, he had a profound revelation” – born dumb and in denial
· “Cents and Sensibility” – Jeannine
· “Don’t get him started on “25 or 6 to 4″” – Morgan Charles
· “He may be dumb, but he’s perpetually early” – Josh H
· “Hobo: I’ll take either” – Jedipus
· “How Parking Meters Rip Us Off” – meter man
· “Kid has a point” – ello
· “Metric time claims another victim” – remark
· “Still searching for his 25 minutes of fame…” – C.T. Aiken
· “Time is money, but the dollar is weak” – Mike Britton
Middle aged white woman: You know, if you're not communicating with someone you can't just stick a potato up their ass and expect them to know where you're coming from.
Middle aged ponytail guy: True, true.
–Broadway Station Bar, Astoria
Coworker: Heiser… Wasn’t that Hitler’s last name?
–Public library
Overheard by: Apparently I’m related to that guy
Lady in line: What’s the difference between french fries and cheese fries?
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: cheese connoisseur
Confused German tourist: Is this the meatloaf district?
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Guy: What is the opposite of September?
–Law firm, Lexington Avenue
Girl: Wait… Was Hurricane Katrina a tsunami?
–Francis School, Staten Island
Clueless girl to captain of the schooner Adirondack: So, like, is Adirondack a girl’s name or something?
–Hudson River
Overheard by: glad I’m not her daughter
Woman leaving the subway: I still don’t get it. Is the subway a train or a bus?
–Museum of Natural History subway station
Overheard by: dinoman
Guy #1: I heard someone say Friday evening was so wild, a town on Long Island was hit with a tomato! What’s up with that? A tomato? Is that like when it rains frogs for no reason?
Guy #2: That’s tornado, you dick! Say it with me: tor-na-do!
Guy #1: Oh…okay.
–Penn Station
Guy: Bitch, I bet you couldn’t even spell ‘rhetorical.’
Girl: Yes I can! R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C-L-E.
Guy: Are… Are you serious?
Girl: Yeah! Who’s the dumbass now?!
–1 train
Overheard by: pokey
Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate!
–Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village
Guy: …so then she tells me she’s a call girl.
Girl: Oh, I did that for a while. Back in high school.
Guy: You were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah, for a little while. It sucked.
Guy: Um…yeah?
Girl: Yeah. Pay was okay, but it just wasn’t worth it. Everybody always yelling at you and hanging up on you.
Guy: Hanging up on you?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Because you were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like a telemarketer?
Girl: Yes!
Guy: Oh. Well, this girl wasn’t…that kind of call girl.
–F Train
Overheard by: Heather
Cashier: Can you spell your name, please?
Man: … Ummm… yes.
Cashier: I meant, can you spell it for me?
–Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope
Overheard by: meyers of keswick
Arrogant freshman: Well, I find the whole drafting process a little counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, it’s productive.
Arrogant freshman: I tend to disagree. I think it’s counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, the word! The phrase is ‘counter-productive.’ [Mumbles] Fucking smartass.
–NYU
