Douche #1: I just wanted to be like: “bitch, shut the fuck up.”
Douche #2: Yeah. She’s not hot enough to talk to you like that.
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Andy
Douche #1: I just wanted to be like: “bitch, shut the fuck up.”
Douche #2: Yeah. She’s not hot enough to talk to you like that.
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Andy
Guy #1: What, you think he’s a moron because he didn’t go to grad school?
Guy #2: No, he’s a moron because he lost an argument with my cat.
–F Train
Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!
–St Mark’s Place
Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I’m a probation officer.
Guy: Oh, criminal or family?
Girl: Criminal.
Guy: Can I pee in your cup?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Paul
Teenage girl #1: I’m sure there’s at least one West African child that isn’t heavily inebriated!
Teenage girl #2: Ya, I knew one once, he was a really bad fuck.
–112th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ema O’Connor
(Guy wearing laminated sign bearing photo of the 9/11 commission report approaches shopper)
Signboard guy: Excuse me, are you a registered voter in New York?
Middle-aged man in suit: Yes.
Signboard guy: We are trying to gather signatures to have the 9/11 commission reopened.
Middle-aged man: You’re a fucking asshole from hell!
–Associated Store, 14th St & 1st Ave
Guy: He is so stupid.
Girl: He isn’t stupid, his brain is full.
–8th St & Greene
Homeless guy: Fuck Gary Cicbdman!
Dude #1: Did he just say Gary Oldman or Gary Coleman?
Dude #2: Does it matter? Either way he’s fucking nuts.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: brad
Polite Japanese tourist: Excuse me, please. Can you give direction to Empire State Building?
Angry old man: Hell, no. It’s not like you people needed goddam directions to get to Pearl Harbor.
–Broadway
Overheard by: He’s sorta right
Creepy-looking, middle aged goth guy, yelling: He dances with the denizens of the underworld! [Turns to his female companion.] What was his webpage again?
–7th b/w 1st & 2nd
Goth chick: Yea, my mom cried while my dad chased me around with sandpaper.
–Pratt Campus
Overheard by: Late-Night Passerby
Goth girl to friend: I can’t wait until you’re addicted to sex.
–Queens
Goth girl talking loudly to goth friend: It just sucks that everyone is such a toolbag. Like everyone. That guy right there. Toolbag. You. Toolbag. Everyone is just a toolbag. Like seven out of ten people are just tools.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Annoyed goth chick to friend: …so it looks like I’m going to be whipping some yuppies in a dungeon again.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd
Overheard by: yuppie45
