Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here…
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh… I don't fight old people–that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)
–1 Train
College girl: Fuck, I have to do this research paper on Anne Frank over the holiday week!
College guy #1: Make sure to include the part about her being a lesbian.
College guy #2: Anne Frank was not a lesbian, you idiot!
College guy #3: No, I am pretty sure I saw one of the videos she made once.
College girl (walking away): I'm gonna go throw up.
College guy #2: How the hell did either of you even get into college?
–8th St & 6th Ave
(a little black boy is skipping away from his group)
Middle aged black lady: Yeah, you skip Cosmo!
Nerdy 13-year-old white boy: Yeah, skip to your own fuckin' loo, motherfucker!
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Christiana Little
White college dude with glasses: Guys, you absolutely must check out this new reality television show. It is off the hiz-ook. Literally, off the hiz-ook.
College chick: Why do we hang out with you?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Crazy guy in camouflage: And I was like: “Fucking…what the fuck, man! Fuck it!”
Teen passerby (very seriously): I love that man.
Preppy friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up)
–48th & 6th
Headline by: Golf Widow
Runners-Up:
· “Everyone Loves a Good Fuck” – melly
· “How Billy and Tommy Knew What Love Really Means” – Stellina
· “I Hear He’s Speaking at Graduation!” – fucking fan
· “Schizophrenia Is the New Black.” – Josh
· “Tourette’s Groupies” – TheSchilsk
Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!
–Broadway
Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches
Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Erin
Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!
–Street Fair, Washington Square North
Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Denah
Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!
–Broadway
Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kate
Queer #1: Sometimes you remind me of Donny Osmond.
Queer #2: Sometimes you remind me of an asshole.
–NYU
(spectators gather behind a wall of paparazzi taking pictures)
Tourist woman: Who is that?
Guy #1: David Wright and Willie Randolph.
Tourist woman: Who are they?
Guy #1: Baseball players.
Tourist woman: Ooooh. Which team?
Guy #1: The Mets.
Tourist woman: Oh. Honey! It’s just the Mets, let’s go.
Guy #2 (with Mets hat): Hey! Fuck you!
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: am
(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)
Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus driver: I have a family! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Obnoxious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, our future.
–Bx41
Overheard by: If He’s Dissapointed with this I hope he never walks into one of New York’s public schools
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
