Crazy guy in camouflage: And I was like: “Fucking…what the fuck, man! Fuck it!”
Teen passerby (very seriously): I love that man.
Preppy friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up)
–48th & 6th
Headline by: Golf Widow
Runners-Up:
· “Everyone Loves a Good Fuck” – melly
· “How Billy and Tommy Knew What Love Really Means” – Stellina
· “I Hear He’s Speaking at Graduation!” – fucking fan
· “Schizophrenia Is the New Black.” – Josh
· “Tourette’s Groupies” – TheSchilsk
Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!
–Broadway
Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches
Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Erin
Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!
–Street Fair, Washington Square North
Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Denah
Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!
–Broadway
Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kate
Queer #1: Sometimes you remind me of Donny Osmond.
Queer #2: Sometimes you remind me of an asshole.
–NYU
(spectators gather behind a wall of paparazzi taking pictures)
Tourist woman: Who is that?
Guy #1: David Wright and Willie Randolph.
Tourist woman: Who are they?
Guy #1: Baseball players.
Tourist woman: Ooooh. Which team?
Guy #1: The Mets.
Tourist woman: Oh. Honey! It’s just the Mets, let’s go.
Guy #2 (with Mets hat): Hey! Fuck you!
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: am
(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)
Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus driver: I have a family! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Obnoxious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, our future.
–Bx41
Overheard by: If He’s Dissapointed with this I hope he never walks into one of New York’s public schools
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
(man and woman chatting, he has a slight pot belly)
Woman: Do you work out?
Man: Yes, I do, actually.
Woman (in disbelief): Really?
–Elevator 2, Penn Plaza
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
Subway rider to Japanese tourist: You guys need to stick up for yourselves, man. You know what I’d say if I was from Japan? I’d say: "I am yokozuna, muthafucka!"
–E Train, 42nd St
Male customer to clerk, after computer system goes down: I guess you have some little Chinese guy in the back working on the problem.
–Brooklyn DMV
40something woman walking dogs to friend: You know, these dogs are half Chinese. With all these things going on in China, they get very upset! (friend gives skeptical look) I’m serious!
–Upper West Side
Crazy lady, to no one in particular: All Carpenter songs are actually Korean national anthems. If a Korean is bludgeoning you, just sing a national anthem and they will stop. If a Korean is bludgeoning you, just sing a national anthem and they will stop. It’s the Koreans who do most of the bludgeoning, and that’s what upsets me.
–99 Cent Pizza, 41st & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
Worker, sounding pleasantly surprised: Oh, Asians! Damn! Asians!
–Canal Street and Centre Street, Chinatown
