Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.

–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Jason

Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!

–42nd between 9th & 10th

Overheard by: Ash

Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.

–C train

Overheard by: Dirty D

Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.

–AMC 25, Times Square

Overheard by: L

Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?

–Rooftop party, W 43rd

Overheard by: Esther

Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there.

–7 train

Overheard by: giants fan

Posted on September 27, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Jesus, Movies, One-liners, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Best Explanation So Far

Hipster girl: What’s up with all the Jews for Jesus stuff everywhere?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I think Jews just try to adopt whatever’s mainstream and will make them money.

–A/C/E underpass, Times Square station

Overheard by: Al

Posted on August 22, 2006
Hipsters, Jesus, Judaism, Money & Class, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

It’s Like Catholics Who Get Divorced or Have Abortions

Shiksa girl #1: Oh, now I get it!
Shiksa girl #2: Get what?
Shiksa girl #1: Jews for Jesus. See, Jews don’t usually believe in Jesus, but these ones do.
Shiksa girl #2: That totally makes sense. That’s why they’re called “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: They’re not Jews. They’re Christians.
Shiksa girl #2: But it says “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: If you believe in Jesus, you aren’t a Jew.
Shiksa girl #1: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Lauren Lerner

Posted on August 20, 2006
Christianity, Christians, Jesus, Jews, Judaism, On the Subway, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Wednesday One-Liners Hang the Cross Upside Down

Girl: It smells like blasphemy!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: I only smelled mulch

Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.

–8th & A

Overheard by: Meredith

Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.

–W 30th, between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Maggie

Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.

–F train

Overheard by: Yanni

College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!

–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform

Overheard by: EJ

Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!

–Downtown 1 train

Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.

–Spring & Broadway

Posted on August 9, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Jesus, Names, Religion, Scents of the City, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Mel Gibson’s Guide to Alienating Hollywood While Making 100 Million Dollars

Med student #1: Some people say that The Passion of The Christ doesn’t follow the book.
Med student #2: What book?

–122nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Khalilah

Posted on July 14, 2006
Christianity, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Manhattan, Movies, Pop Culture, Religion, Students

What Would Wednesday One-Liners Do?

Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.

–Q train

Overheard by: A White Bear

Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.

–1849 Bar, Bleecker St

Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: braincurve

Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.

–Trump Building, Wall St

Overheard by: You know who

Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?

–Key Food, 235th St

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Drunks, Jesus, Movies, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Think of It More as Jesus’s Shot Glass

Girl #1: So the entire time i’m watching this movie, I’m like, what is the Holy Grail? They never explain what it is. And I’m thinking it’s probably like, some kind of trophy or something…? Like maybe a fashion trophy…? Or something…?
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Yeah but no, it turns it out it actually has to do with like, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene or something.
Girl #2: So it was like… Jesus’s trophy?

–H&M dressing room, 5th Ave

Posted on May 22, 2006
Jesus, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Pop Culture, Religion, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Wanna Get Dirty

Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!

–Hoboken PATH

Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.

–F train downtown

Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Ben Beckley

Posted on May 17, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Homeless, Jesus, Kink, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Trains Not Subway

That’s Just What They Said About Jesus

God Squad guy: Jesus is the answer! Come to Jesus and he’ll hold you in his arms! Come home to Jesus!
Guy #2: By the way, just so you know, the rest of us all think you’re fucking nuts!

–St. Marks between 2nd & 3rd

overheard by: tourist girl

Posted on January 22, 2006
Crazies, God Squad, Jesus, Union Square and East Village

Mithras to His Friends (Happy Birthday!)

Man #1: You can tell she loves her son.
Man #2: Who?
Man #1: Mary.
Man #2: Mary who?
Man #1: There.
Man #2: …George, that’s a painting of Mary and Jesus. Of course she loves her son.

–The Met

Hobo: Jesus is our savior! Worship him, he’s done good things for us! He is the son of God!
Man: Sorry, what was that name again?
Hobo: Jesus! Jesus our savior!
Man: Oh, Jesus Christ?
Hobo: Yes, Jesus Christ.
Man: Oh, okay.

–A train

Guy: Somebody stole the baby Jesus! I’m appalled!
Hobo: Jesus isn’t born until Christmas.

–Houston & Sullivan

Posted on December 25, 2005
Guys, Hobos, Jesus, Men, On the Subway, Soho, The Met