Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Gleeful girl to friend: Hey, do you like child trafficking?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: NYCtrippedmyconscience
Hobo sitting on ground cleaning a trumpet, to hot lady passerby: Hey, don’t fucking look at me — I’m too old for you!
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Outlaw
20-ish chick on cell: I only fucked that scum-sucking man-whore because my ex was fucking an 18-year-old.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teacher with group of kids on field trip: It’s so hard to find a tall, skinny senior boy.
–C train
Overheard by: ej
Teen girl: Yeah, Renata can totally pull off pedophilia.
–C train
Overheard by: sarah
Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.
–Subway station, Times Square
Overheard by: Mama
Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.
–181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.
–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza
Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Wailing six-year-old boy: But whyyy?!
Mom: Well, I know, honey, but kick him in the shins, don’t kick him in the balls!
–Prince & Broadway
A woman and four fancifully-dressed little kids are waiting to cross the street.
Little girl: Can’t we cross the streeet? What are we waiting for?!
Stressed mom: Your father. Remember? The guy you want to be cremated with?
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: Elm City Lass
Mother: You have to cut her chicken fingers up. I gave her a whole one the other day and she almost choked to death.
Father: I like for her to learn to take bites.
Mother: She’s not ready.
Two-year-old daughter: I’m not ready, Dad.
–Diner, Midtown
Little boy: Mom, how did the dinosaurs cook their meat?
Mother: They didn’t, they ate it raw.
Little boy: Oh. [Long pause.] Are Japanese people dinosaurs?
–Astoria Park
Mom to toddler screaming in stroller: That’s it, sweetie. Let it all out. Doesn’t that feel good?
–TJ Maxx, 19th & 6th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Mom to toddler: Joseph, stop walking like a tourist!
–51st & 5th
Overheard by: Gillian
Mother to toddler running into automatic revolving door: You best not hurt yourself or I will fuck you up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Man to child in stroller: … Then we push her over the edge of the cliff. That’s called getting even!
–President & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: George
Mother to three-year-old daughter: Hey, it’s Santa on the phone. And you know what he says? Stop taking my credit cards.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: lish
Mom to two small children struggling to get through the crowd: Just push them all as hard as you can! Use your fists and elbows, too!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Ivy270
Father hand-in-hand with seven-year-old boy who’s singing national anthem: That’s right, sing it loud and sing it wrong.
–Times Square
