Little girl: Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day… I’m going to blow your head off.
Dad: Yeah?
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: Kevin Frost
Little girl: Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day… I’m going to blow your head off.
Dad: Yeah?
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: Kevin Frost
Drunk girl: Happy New Year!
Long-haired child: Happy New Year!
Drunk girl: What’s your name?
Long-haired child: Slater.
Drunk girl: Slayer?
Long-haired child: Slate-er.
Drunk girl: That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
Long-haired child: I’m a boy.
–W 113th St
Mom: So, is Alex Rodriguez black or Hispanic?
Boy: He’s married.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Bobby
Man: You know that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, right?
Six-year-old boy: No, he does exist. When I wrote him a letter and asked him for pink Plush Puppies, I got them on Christmas.
Man: Dude, then you are a serious homosexual. What kind of boy asks for pink Plush Puppies?
–Rockaway
Overheard by: Bully
Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There’s a C first. We’re at Canal Street.
–6 train
Mom: Look at the size of that dog!
Four-year-old son: That’s not a dog, it’s a chihuahua!
–Washington Sq Park
Overheard by: Kerri
Little girl: And I’ll be the mommy and you’ll be the daddy and she’ll be the baby!
Little boy: No, I want to be the mommy!
Little girl: Well, we can’t be gay, because that’s illegal in New York.
Nanny: Who told you that?!
Little girl: My mommy.
–Rite Aid, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Monika
Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Gleeful girl to friend: Hey, do you like child trafficking?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: NYCtrippedmyconscience
Hobo sitting on ground cleaning a trumpet, to hot lady passerby: Hey, don’t fucking look at me — I’m too old for you!
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Outlaw
20-ish chick on cell: I only fucked that scum-sucking man-whore because my ex was fucking an 18-year-old.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teacher with group of kids on field trip: It’s so hard to find a tall, skinny senior boy.
–C train
Overheard by: ej
Teen girl: Yeah, Renata can totally pull off pedophilia.
–C train
Overheard by: sarah
