Boy: Mommy, Mommy! Let’s pretend I’m Jesus and everyone wants to kill me.
Mommy: I don’t think I want to play that game.
–Central Park
Boy: Mommy, Mommy! Let’s pretend I’m Jesus and everyone wants to kill me.
Mommy: I don’t think I want to play that game.
–Central Park
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
Child: Mommy, what happened when you were 17?
Mother: Mommy turned to a life of crime.
Child: Well, what happened when you were 18?
Mother: Mommy cleaned herself up.
–MoMA
Five-year-old white boy: Mommy! Mommy! That man and that woman have American flags!
Mom: That’s a Puerto Rican flag, honey.
Little boy: But it’s red, white, and blue.
Mom: Both of our flags are red, white, and blue. Our flag has 52 stars and theirs only has one.
–Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: 4th Grade US History Graduate
Girl #1: Look at these pictures.
(girl #2 starts to look at pictures)
Girl #2: Oh look, my son looks like one of those… uhhh… hmmm…? I forgot what they are called.
Girl #1: A hungry child?
Girl #2: Yeaaaah, like one of those kids from a third world country.
–Buhre Avenue, Bronx
Overheard by: DaILList4Ever
Son: Dad, you want my banana?
Dad: Hell, no, I don’t want your banana! That don’t even sound right!
–M9 bus, Ave B
Overheard by: JennPee
Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?
–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Girl #1: Where are all the violent toys?
Girl #2: Does he like trucks?
Girl #1: No, he’s violent. There’s no violent toys; this store is too good.
Girl #2: I’ll talk to the manager about that.
–West Side Kids, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: kreg
Young father: Here we are — New York City! The greatest city in the world.
Four-year-old son: Even better than Hoboken, Dad?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Phil
