Kids

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Erika Would Have a Flashback to This Moment Years Later in a College Dorm Room

Little girl: Look at all the balls!
Dad: No! No! Don't touch them!

–79th & Lexington

Overheard by: chiggie

She’s No Virgin

Boy: Mommy, Mommy! Let’s pretend I’m Jesus and everyone wants to kill me.
Mommy: I don’t think I want to play that game.

–Central Park

Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?

Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Rehey

Started Painting, Met Your Father, Yada Yada Yada

Child: Mommy, what happened when you were 17?
Mother: Mommy turned to a life of crime.
Child: Well, what happened when you were 18?
Mother: Mommy cleaned herself up.

–MoMA

Our Stripes Represent the Shirt Waldo Wore When He Crossed the Delaware

Five-year-old white boy: Mommy! Mommy! That man and that woman have American flags!
Mom: That’s a Puerto Rican flag, honey.
Little boy: But it’s red, white, and blue.
Mom: Both of our flags are red, white, and blue. Our flag has 52 stars and theirs only has one.

–Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: 4th Grade US History Graduate

I Find Starvation Heightens His T-Ball Game

Girl #1: Look at these pictures.
(girl #2 starts to look at pictures)
Girl #2: Oh look, my son looks like one of those… uhhh… hmmm…? I forgot what they are called.
Girl #1: A hungry child?
Girl #2: Yeaaaah, like one of those kids from a third world country.

–Buhre Avenue, Bronx

Overheard by: DaILList4Ever

He Won’t Even Shop at Banana Republic

Son: Dad, you want my banana?
Dad: Hell, no, I don’t want your banana! That don’t even sound right!

–M9 bus, Ave B

Overheard by: JennPee

She Bought That Knitting Needle for Nothing

Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?

–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street

He’ll Grow into Them

Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.

–NJ Transit train

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