Little Italy

Guido #1: Can you believe that girl called me a ‘guido’?!
Guido #2: Seriously — what a whore!
Guido #1: I cannot believe the bitch called us guidos!
Guido #2: Yeah… So, when are we hitting Webster Hall?

–Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: I shook my head

British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.

–1 train

Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!

–Bronx Science engineering class

Overheard by: LSB

Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?

–41st & Broadway

Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.

–1 train

Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.

–Mulberry St

Overheard by: Ashley

Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: still recovering

Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Oh My God

Woman: Jeez.
Man: What?
Woman: Suddenly we’re in Italiantown. How did that happen?

–Mulberry & Grand, Little Italy

Overheard by: Cannoli Boy

Father: Look at that sign. What do you think mela means?
Son: I don’t know.
Father: Look at the picture.
Son: Oh, apple! So it’s, like, an Applebee’s?

–Little Italy

Guy #1: I’d rape her. I mean, if I were in Africa I’d rape her.
Guy #2: She has a cameraman that knows kung fu, you foul Negro!
Guy #1: After I shoot him in the head, all that kung fu knowledge bleeds out.

–Katra, Bowery & Rivington

Overheard by: Michael Winfield

Girl: Hey honey, slow down. My feet hurt and I’m cold.
Guy: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and walk? I want to go the fuck home, bitch.

–Canal & Mulberry

Overheard by: BabyGirl

Girl: God there are so many Chinos here. I hate Chinese people.
Guy: You’re so dis…What do they call it? Racist! That’s not a very good attribute to have, Christina.
Girl: The only people I like are Spanish people and white people.
Guy: I hope one day someone who’s black and Chinese and…80 other races all mixed together bitchslaps you in the face!

–Canal & Lafayette

Overheard by: nadja spiegelman

Peddler #1: Ice cold water! Cold water for a hot lady!…Damn girl, a look like that?
Peddler #2: Girl like that don’t need no ice.

–Canal & Broadway