Guy to friend: Go suck a dick!
Friend: I already did!
–91st & Columbus
Guy to friend: Go suck a dick!
Friend: I already did!
–91st & Columbus
Tween girl #1: He had a boner. It was so gross.
Tween girl #2: How do you know he had a boner?
Tween girl #1: I’ve known him since first grade. He had a boner.
Tween guy: How does knowing him since first grade have anything to do with knowing that he had a boner?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
Guy #1: The Great Cock Hunt? Isn’t that a Hunter S. Thompson novel?
Guy #2: No, you idiot. It’s a gay porn site. What kind of mo are you?
–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th
Teen girl: Wow, look at the men’s room line and then look at the women’s room line. It’s so much longer.
Fat woman: Yeah. Shit, I’ll grow a penis.
–Shubert Theater, W. 44th Street
Overheard by: Emily G.
Queer #1: What would you like to do tonight?
Queer #2: I wanna get high off your dickie.
Man: Ewww.
–Sam Ash Music Store, Queens
Girl #1: Man, if I'm going to go to that party tonight, I gotta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There's one on Lexington by my place, and a guy does it, and he's so hot I just want him to accidentally shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we'll go to that place!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Suit, after school bus drives by: Holy shit. [Dials bus dispatcher on cell] Um, I just saw bus number 339* drive by, and it has a two-foot rubber penis hanging from the back of it… A rubber penis… P-E-N-I-S!
–Atlantic & Pennsylvania, Brooklyn
Overheard by: that’s my dad
Boy: Is that a hat?
Girl: No, it's my dick. (pause) Wait, what? Is what a hat?
Boy: I thought that thing by the door was a hat.
Girl: A cat?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guido: I like my women a little more, shall we say, feminine.
Trannie: Yeah, I’ve got balls.
–LIRR, 6 AM
Overheard by: eileen
White woman: How are things with John?
Asian woman: I don't know. He's just not manly enough for me. He listens to Miss Saigon at the gym. Maybe he has an Asian fetish.
White woman: Sounds more like he has a dick fetish.
–E Train
Overheard by: Brad
