Conductor (over PA system): Make sure you pick up all your belongings… If you have small children, be sure to take them by the hand before leaving the train. Thank you for riding New Jersey transit, and have a great day.
Jersey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have children! They haven’t thought these announcements through.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors.
Ghetto guy: Yo, they be closing those closin' doors on my dick!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: queenofscots
Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.
–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave
Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.
–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!
–116th & Broadway
20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.
–4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him
Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Crosby
Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: dumb as a rock
Passenger #1: What's that movie with Julia Roberts where she plays the runaway bride?
Passenger #2: My Best Friend's Wedding?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: EmLo
Three people get up to let a group of old ladies sit.
Old lady #1: Don’t you hate when they do that?
Old lady #2: [nods in agreement]
–Uptown E train
Overheard by: did not get up
Woman rushing out of train: Does this train stop at the next stop?
Guy: No.
–downtown C train, 59th St
Queer #1: Black people really must like taking the bus.
Queer #2: You're disgusting.
Queer #1: What? I always see them waiting in line for buses.
Queer #2: That's because they may have some financial issues.
Queer #1: Well, so do I, but I don't take the bus.
Queer #2: Only buying things that are on sale at Bergdorf's and living paycheck to paycheck are two very different things.
–14th St & 8th Ave
Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.
–LIRR
New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.
–40th & 6th
Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Andy
Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.
–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jess
Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)
–W 19th
Girl #1: Okay, but I don't want to be out too late tonight because I have to travel tomorrow.
Girl #2: You do *not* have to *travel* tomorrow…you have to get on a bus to Atlantic City tomorrow.
–E 19th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Silent J
Loud woman: You'd better be opening up this back door.
Driver: Yeah, well, you'd best be pushing the tape.
–M15 Bus
