Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Mother to son, at semi-crowded subway: Where's Alliyah?
Son: I don't know, somewhere over there.
Mother: Alliyah!
(Alliyah walks over)
Mother: Where were you?
Alliyah: Over there.
Mother: Sitting down?
Alliyah: Yeah.
Mother: Then why'd you get up?
Alliyah: (shakes head and rolls eyes)
–F Train
Overheard by: Respect is relative
Hipster boy, texting: So is it “in-” or “impregnate”?
Hipster girl: I'm pretty sure it's “impregnate.”
Hipster boy: Impregnate? Like an imp?
Hipster girl: Everyone hearing you thinks you're fucking retarded.
Hipster boy: Well, at least I'm not an imp.
–PATH Train
Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.
–N Train
Overheard by: Jill
30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.
–Abortion Clinic, Queens
Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!
–W Train
Wife: I think we might need a stiff drink after this.
Husband: (doesn't respond)
Wife: It's supposed to be sad.
Husband: I think I want to take a nap now.
Wife: Do you want me to wake you up when the show starts?
Husband: (grunts)
Wife: Was that a yes or a no?
Husband: Yes.
–Cherry Lane Theatre
Overheard by: Emily B.
Woman #1: Have you ever been with a married man?
Woman #2: No. Not even when I was married.
–23rd & 9th Ave
Overheard by: C-Belle
Headline by: Rob
Runners-Up:
· “…But My Husband Has.” – Jen
· “Among the More Common Transexual Paradoxes” – Leary Blaine
· “I Could Never Schedule an Appointment With His Secretary” – Lizzay
· “I Knew There Was a Reason I Shouldn’t Have Married a Priest…” – Lukas
· “What Are You Trying to Say, Mom?” – dazed and confused
Black teen #1: I got a new girlfriend.
Black teen #2: Is she nice and thick or big and nasty?
–J train
Male 30-something lawyer: I'm looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping.
Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward to is a quick, painless death.
Male 30-something lawyer: Have you ever been camping?
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Rushing lady: Hold that train! Hold that train!
(conductor waits until she's on board)
Fellow commuter: That works?!
–6 Train
Overheard by: wikigreenwood
