Old black man #1: I’m gonna go get a Post.
Old black man #2: A brotha reading the Post? Oh, man…
Old black man #1: Man, it’s only 25 cents. And it’s got page six!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jill
Headline by: Dave
Runners-Up:
· “Hahaha…wait…black people? READING?” – pants
· “I always sleep under that one” – Mike B
· “Judge me not by the color of my skin but by the content of my paper” – nyinsf
· “That’s the quilted page” – N. A. Cargo
Student #1: Today is our first day of classes.
Student #2: Yeah, and it’s Martin Luther King’s birthday today.
Student #1: Most other schools are closed on Martin Luther King Day, but we’re open.
Student #2: Does that make our school racist?
–185th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Anthony Ross
Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!
–W 34th & 7th
Overheard by: nisey79
Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!
–110th & Lenox
Overheard by: Curly Ku
Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!
–Bronx-bound D train
Overheard by: Krissss
Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.
–6 train station, 59th St
Overheard by: Jackie
Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: In debt on the F train
Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!
–6 train
White office guy: When somebody says ‘nigga,’ how do you know if they’re saying ‘nigga’ or ‘nigger’?
Black office guy: That’s easy — ‘nigger’ is followed by an ass-whoopin’.
–Restaurant, Park Ave South
Overheard by: Big Larry
Mom: So, is Alex Rodriguez black or Hispanic?
Boy: He’s married.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Bobby
Poli-Sci professor: … And the FCC makes rulings so that you can’t show nipples at the Super Bowl.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Girl: Wouldn’t it be weird to kill someone using only your nipples?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Argopelter
Tan chick: I don’t want those black bitches looking at my nipples.
–L train
20-ish broad: I just don’t think the tassles are big enough to fit over my nipples.
–Momofuku Ssam Bar, 13th & 2nd
Overheard by: McFreaky
Ghetto dude rapping to friends: Yo, the hash balls there are bigger than your girl’s nipples!
–E 4th St & Ave A
Overheard by: punkee
Nerd: My nipples are so hard they could pick a lock.
–Javits Center
Overheard by: Allisa
Sorostitute: Tonight would have been so much better if my nipple hadn’t exploded.
–Marriott, Times Square
Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lifted me up onto the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I couldn’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head inside and started, like, banging his head against the wall. I know, can you believe that?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Emily Leatrice
Hipster: I’d feel more comfortable in a sex club than going on a date.
–Penn Station
Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O-M-G! We are sooo going to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls together, my place, tonight! [To gawking passengers] Sex and the City -athon. Fucking perverts. W-T-F.
–N train
Overheard by: not invited
Teacher: Every time you put a penis into a vagina you’re risking sex.
–Health Class, LaGuardia HS
Overheard by: mf
Girl: I heard two people having really loud sex on my floor last night. It was either gay guys or Asians, I couldn’t tell.
–Cafeteria, Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t the other guy…
20-ish chick: What? I fornicate all the time, and I’ve never been arrested!
–Subway station
Overheard by: subwayrider
Asian guy #1: Fucking motherfucker!
Asian guy #2: Ass-fucking mule!
Asian guy #1: Cum wad!
Asian guy #2: Asian!
Asian guy #1: Whoa, man, that’s just rude.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: Laura
Chinese mother holding plate of free rice: Do you like rice, girls?
Little girls: Of course we like rice, we’re Chinese!
Chinese mother: I know you’re Chinese. I am Chinese, too.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Non-Chinese Rice-Lover
Clueless white lady: Oh, I wanted to see this Dave Chappelle’s Black Party— I mean, uh…
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
White guy: I didn’t call him a monkey because he was black, I called him a monkey because he’s a fucking retard.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Little Dominican boy to teacher: How come only black people get to be Indians?
–Plains Indians exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Old white lady trips over middle-aged white guy’s luggage: You’re just as bad as the black people!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: trying to get out of the way
Black guy to white guy in giant afro wig: Yeah, I wish I could be black.
–St. Mark’s Pl
