I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

Posted on September 14, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lesbians, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Time, U.S. Geography, West Village

Alan Grows Out His Beard

Man #1: You have a girlfriend?
Man #2: Yes.
Man #1: She knows you're gay?
Man #2: Yes.

–Financial District

Posted on September 13, 2014
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Questions, Relationships, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

“Yeah, he finished really quickly.”

Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.

–43rd & 7th

Posted on September 13, 2014
Anger Management, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

Well, Judging from the Barrel of Liquor Around Your Neck…

Girl #1: And then he said that when he sees people, he likes to picture what kind of dog they’d be. Apparently I’m a Golden Retriever, and he’s a German Shepherd, and those breeds just don’t mix.
Gril #2: That is fucking messed up.
Girl #1: I know! He is so delusional! And he would so not be a German Shepherd.
Girl #2: No. (long pause) I wonder what type I’d be.

–Starbucks, 103rd & Broadway

Posted on September 9, 2014
Default, Girls, Relationships, Starbucks, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness

I Don't Negotiate With Sexual Terrorists

College boy: Why was sex always a problem between us?
College girl: Well, some people think that sex is negotiable. I don't.

–F Train

Posted on September 7, 2014
Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls

It's High Noon on Wednesday One-Liners' Sun Dials

Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on!

–12th & Broadway

Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide!

–Lucky Jack's

Overheard by: Argopelter

Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!

–1st Ave & 10th

Overheard by: moodle

Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection!

–34th & 2nd

Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class.

–St Marks & 2nd Ave

Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please?

–Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on September 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Erections, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Jocks, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Preppies, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

In Perfect Penmanship, on Crisp Notecards

Girl: Thank you.
Guy: For what?
Girl: For being you.
Guy: Can't you be more specific? I thank you for sex.

–24rd St & 3rd Ave

Posted on September 1, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Sex

I’ll Have You Know That’s an Autographed Picture

NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Posted on September 1, 2014
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, NYU, Pictures, Relationships, Students

Why Open-Bar Weddings Exist

Girl: Are you going to Natalie and Ben's wedding?
Guy: Yeah, I guess. I just hate going to weddings that I don't have faith in.

–5th & 6th

Posted on August 31, 2014
Girls, Gripes, Guys, Marriage, Questions, Relationships, The Village

… But You’re Still a Bitch

Man: Bitch, why you gotta make things so complicated?
Woman: I’m always complicated. You oughta be used to it by now.
Man: Yeah, that’s true.

–14th St crosswalk

Overheard by: Leslie

Posted on August 29, 2014
Advice, Couples, Default, Insults, Men, Questions, Relationships, Street, Women

Relationships