Store

Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.

–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway

Headline by: jgordon

Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy

· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire

· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny

· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr


· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan

· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB

· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette

· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul

· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal

· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill

· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette

· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr

· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g

· “I am one size fits all” – twosko

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Guy: I’m looking for something Onassis-like.
Salesgirl: Jackie or Ari?

–Sunglass Hut, Spring & W Broadway

Overheard by: Bette Davis Eyes

Boy: Mommy, is make-up just for girls?
Mom: Make-up is for girls and really fabulous boys.

–Eckerd, Rockaway Blvd & Liberty Ave, Ozone Park

Overheard by: MadLizard

Girl: So did you ask your mom if you can go to the party or not?
Guy: Oh yeah! She said yes. But she made me promise to not come home this time with no pants on.
Girl: Seems fair.

–Rite Aid, Lex Ave

Overheard by: Jack

Kid: Daddy! Daddy! Can I give you a wedgie?
Father: If you do I won’t feed you for a week
Cashier laughs.
Father: At least he asked this time… Usually he just does it

–Walgreens, Manhattan

Thug #1: Yo nigga, what are they wearing in the hood these days?
Thug #2: Nigga, white on white is out!

–Outside Kenneth Cole, 5th & 17th

Tween to her mom: Oh look, it’s those shoes you can eat! Wait, can you eat them? Oh, no, these aren’t the edible ones.

–Payless, Upper West Side

Overheard by: embarrassed to have been in payless

Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a Virgin record store out by Times Square. We should go.
Friend #2: Yeah.

–Midtown Comics, 40th & 7th.

Queer: Oh, I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been thinking about you’ I just read that book Radically Gay.

–Tekserve, West 23rd Street

A little tries to stuff his baseball cap in his pants.

Mother: That cap belongs on your head!
Little boy: It is on my head.

–Macy’s, West 34th Street