Disillusioned guy: Yeah, man, he kicked the shit out of Santa Claus just last week, and I was shocked ’cause I thought Santa was psychic.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: ginpalace
Disillusioned guy: Yeah, man, he kicked the shit out of Santa Claus just last week, and I was shocked ’cause I thought Santa was psychic.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: ginpalace
Girl: Isn’t your dad Swiss?
Guy: No, he’s Swedish.
Girl: Oh, that’s right: people are Swedish, things are Swiss. Well, actually, they’re interchangeable.
–Sprint Store, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Thunder
Girl #1: So I played that drinking game, flip cup, the other day.
Girl #2: Oh man, that game is the best. Last time I played it, I ended up falling out a window.
–The Gap, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Mandy
Pharmacist: You should probably re-sign your card.
Woman: Why?
Pharmacist: Well, you signed over the magnetic strip. You’re supposed to sign over the white part down here.
Woman: Then how would the machine read my signature? That doesn’t make any sense.
Pharmacist: No, it’s a magnetic strip. It reads the information, not the signature.
Woman: I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. That’s not how the machines work. You’re a pharmacist, not an electrician.
Then the pharmacist gave up.
–Zitomer, 76th & Madison
Overheard by: Helena
Toy soldier doorman: Sorry, sir, the store is closing and we’re not letting anyone else in.
Guy: But I have an enormous expense account!
–FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: Dugan Hayes
Tween boy #1: Do you want to rent Madagascar?
Tween boy #2: No, I’ve seen it.
Tween boy #1: So?
Tween boy #2: I don’t like watching movies I’ve seen already.
Tween boy #1: How about Ice Age?
Tween boy #2: Seen it.
Tween boy #1, to video clerk: Do you have Bridge Over the River Kwai?
–video store, Carroll Gardens
Black lady with five kids: You can’t get anything here. We gots to get to Old Navy to buy us all our Fourth of July t-shirts so we match at the picnic.
Black guy: They have the best deal. Shirts are five dollars each, that’s like [counts kids, self, and wife] less than twenty bucks for all of us, and even the baby shit has a flag on it.
–Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn
Overheard by: lora
Drunk white man: Hey, sir. “Knish” is spelled wrong.
Indian cashier: What?
Drunk white man: The food behind the case here. You spelled “knish” wrong, and I’ve told you guys before and it still hasn’t been fixed. Look, buddy, I’ve come in here ten times in the last week. I’ve told three other employees that the spelling is wrong, and next time I come in here it better be spelled right or the Jews are gonna come kill you.
Drunk white man storms out.
Indian cashier: That man is fucking crazy. It’s knish. Is it even spelled wrong?
Woman: No. He just forgot to take his meds and now the Jews are gonna come and kill you. And by “the Jews” he means himself.
–Organic food store, 19th & 3rd
Overheard by: Boo Radley
Unitarian teen: Yeah, we’re here for a poverty conference.
Flamboyant MAC salesman: Wow! You guys are so cool! Are there any boys there?
Unitarian teen: Well, really just Keegan.
Flamboyant MAC salesman: Oh my god! Are you a boy? Oh my god, I’m so tripped out! I thought you were some hippy dippy chick or something!
–MAC, Soho
Overheard by: girl in MAC
