Stupidity

Teen boy: Yo, why do they call it a quarter to 8? It’s 15 minutes, and 25 is a quarter.
Girl: Huh?
Teen boy: If I say a quarter to 8, what time is it? It’s 7:45, but that doesn’t make no sense, it should be 7:35, a quarter is 25 not 15. You still don’t get it do you?
Girl: No, I get it, I get it.
Boy: It just doesn’t make no sense.

–Q54 Bus, Queens

Overheard by: Emily

Headline by: Brian Q

Runners-Up:
· “At half past eight, he had a profound revelation” – born dumb and in denial
· “Cents and Sensibility” – Jeannine
· “Don’t get him started on “25 or 6 to 4″” – Morgan Charles
· “He may be dumb, but he’s perpetually early” – Josh H
· “Hobo: I’ll take either” – Jedipus
· “How Parking Meters Rip Us Off” – meter man
· “Kid has a point” – ello
· “Metric time claims another victim” – remark
· “Still searching for his 25 minutes of fame…” – C.T. Aiken
· “Time is money, but the dollar is weak” – Mike Britton

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)

–Varick & Vandam

Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.

–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's

Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…

–Madison & 77th St

Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…

–Upper East Side

Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.

–Paul's Cafe

Middle aged white woman: You know, if you're not communicating with someone you can't just stick a potato up their ass and expect them to know where you're coming from.
Middle aged ponytail guy: True, true.

–Broadway Station Bar, Astoria

Coworker: Heiser… Wasn’t that Hitler’s last name?

–Public library

Overheard by: Apparently I’m related to that guy

Lady in line: What’s the difference between french fries and cheese fries?

–Shake Shack

Overheard by: cheese connoisseur

Confused German tourist: Is this the meatloaf district?

–14th & 9th

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Guy: What is the opposite of September?

–Law firm, Lexington Avenue

Girl: Wait… Was Hurricane Katrina a tsunami?

–Francis School, Staten Island

Clueless girl to captain of the schooner Adirondack: So, like, is Adirondack a girl’s name or something?

–Hudson River

Overheard by: glad I’m not her daughter

Woman leaving the subway: I still don’t get it. Is the subway a train or a bus?

–Museum of Natural History subway station

Overheard by: dinoman

Guy #1: I heard someone say Friday evening was so wild, a town on Long Island was hit with a tomato! What’s up with that? A tomato? Is that like when it rains frogs for no reason?
Guy #2: That’s tornado, you dick! Say it with me: tor-na-do!
Guy #1: Oh…okay.

–Penn Station

Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate!

–Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village

Guy: …so then she tells me she’s a call girl.
Girl: Oh, I did that for a while. Back in high school.
Guy: You were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah, for a little while. It sucked.
Guy: Um…yeah?
Girl: Yeah. Pay was okay, but it just wasn’t worth it. Everybody always yelling at you and hanging up on you.
Guy: Hanging up on you?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Because you were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like a telemarketer?
Girl: Yes!
Guy: Oh. Well, this girl wasn’t…that kind of call girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: Heather

Blonde #1: Is Super Bowl Sunday this Thursday?
Blonde #2: I think so… I’ll ask my boyfriend, he’ll know.

–Union Square

Overheard by: brunette in a bottle

Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I Love You Alex

Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!

–W 12th St

Overheard by: Paige

Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meaghan

High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!

–S48 bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?

Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!

–E 12th & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Mistres Silver

Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’

–Cheapshots

Overheard by: B

Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!

–32nd & Broadway