Heave-Ho, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on February 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Conductors, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Myspace, Nostalgia, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vomit

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Like Grab His Crotch?

White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!

–Broadway

Posted on February 19, 2008
Asians, Ass, Default, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Manhattan, Stupidity, White People

I Can’t Even Remember the Alamo

15-year-old drunk girl: I wanna fuck someone. Let’s find a Mexican for me.
15-year-old drunk guy: Dude, you’re gonna get me killed!
15-year-old drunk girl: I can’t see straight. Where are we?
15-year-old drunk guy: I don’t know.

–G train

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on February 18, 2008
Drunks, On the Subway, Sex, Stupidity, Teens

But in a Hot Way

Blonde WASP: Yeah, and Kristen’s hot!
Brunette WASP: But only once you get to know her…
Blonde WASP: Yeah, you’re totally right… She kinda looks like Marilyn Manson.
Brunette WASP: Oh my god, it’s true! But in a hot way.
Blonde WASP, later on: He totally had to get a septuplet bypass.
Brunette WASP: That sounds so bad.
Blonde WASP: Yeah, they take veins from your leg! He was so fat.

–N train

Overheard by: JayTro

Posted on February 17, 2008
Default, Gossip, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Medicine, On the Subway, Stupidity, Women

I Agree. How Is That Relevant?

Guy #1: That fucking redhead bitch. I told you, man — those redheads are all the same.
Guy #2: Whoa, dude, I know you’re upset, but racism is not cool.

–57th & Park

Overheard by: rarrw

Posted on February 16, 2008
Default, Gripes, Guys, Hair, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

Hmm… Certainly Tastes Like Sperm

Chick #1: Where do you wanna go eat?
Chick #2, points at sidewalk: Look, a sperm!
Chick #1: That is not a sperm!
Chick #2: It is!
Chick #1: No, it’s a tadpole!

–16th & 5th

Overheard by: Wow…

Posted on February 12, 2008
Bimbettes, Cum, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity

Are What?

Guy selling umbrellas: Get your umbrellas! Two dollars! Get your umbrellas! Two dollars!
Customer: How much are they?

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Maggie

Headline by: waphle

Runners-Up:
· “I Mean, in Goats?” – jloubelle
· “That’s Not “Ironic” Either, Alanis.” – Janet
· “Tourists Aren’t Just for Show” – should probably doing work
· “Your First Born…And An Hour With That Old Broad On Your Left” – ae

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 11, 2008
Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Customers, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, Money & Class, Questions, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

Which Originated on Easter Island

HS girl #1: What’s that Friday right before Easter? I think it’s Passover, right?
HS girl #2: Yo, you know Easter was created by the Easter Orthodox Church?

–M train, Williamsburg Bridge

Overheard by: Tito

Posted on February 9, 2008
Holidays, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

Got No Knowledge to Keep Me Warm

Girl #1: Did you hear Bush’s speech thing last night?
Girl #2: No…
Girl #3: Hmmm, no… Wait, is Citibank a real bank?
Girl #2: Actually, I don’t know [giggles]… Should we stop by Abercrombie?
Girl #1: I’m freezing!

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: dale

Posted on February 7, 2008
Bimbettes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

Stupidity