Long-haired dude: You penised his penis with your penis!
Creepy chick: Dude! That’s, like, penis cubed!
Long-haired dude: Damn. How many penises is that?
Creepy chick: Well, three. Penis times penis times penis. Duh.
–56th & Lex
Overheard by: i never passed math
Girl: The polar ice caps are melting…
Guy #1: Yeah, ’cause of global warming!
Guy #2: Um…it’s summertime.
–F train
Overheard by: cupcake
Six-year-old to guy stranger while hiding behind mother on cell: Hi.
20-something guy: Hello…
Six-year-old, grabbing guy’s hand: Hi.
20 something guy, confused: Hello…
Six-year-old to mom: I picked one!
Mom: You picked what? No! I told you that you could pick out the stamps, not a person! Put him back!
–Post office
Overheard by: Put back
Tourist taking picture of guy with ‘Overthrow’ shaved into back of his head: So, is Overthrow your rap name?
Guy: Nah, Overthrow — that’s my movement. I’m a general. Five-star general — see the five stars [shaved into sideburns]?
–DUMBO
Overheard by: Mrs Parker’s 4th Grade Class
Preppy girl: So, like, Salman Rushdie had to move to America because that guy issued this fatwa thing against him.
Hipster guy: You mean the Ayatollah?
Preppy girl: I think it’s pronounced “aya-toy-a.”
Hipster guy: Ummm…Yeah, if he were Spanish!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: not an Ivy-Leaguer
Physician #1: Hey, if you want, there’s gonna be a meeting on the night of the 16th.
Physician #2: I can’t. I’ll be in the Holy Land that week.
Physician #1: You’re gonna be in the Bronx?
–North Shore Hospital
Overheard by: Nik G
Dude #1: So, the other night I killed a mouse by rolling over on it in my sleep.
Dude #2: How did you know you killed it? Did you feel it or just wake up and find it there?
Dude #1: Yeah, when I woke up in the morning I looked over and was like, ‘Oh, a mouse,’ and then I took a picture.
–Ciao for Now, 12th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Coffee drinker who just lost her appetite
Girl on cell: Yeah, so after I get the surgery, I’m not going to be able to drink or eat for, like, three months.
Friend, on speakerphone: Oh, man, that’s rough. Is there, like, a special diet you go on for that?
Girl on cell: I don’t know — I should look online. I’m sure plenty of people have done it before.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Katrina
Man: Bert was a lot quieter than Ernie.
Woman: This train is a lot quieter than Ernie.
Man: Nine-eleven was a lot quieter than Ernie.
–1 train
Overheard by: DL
Mother: The other day I walked past a bunch of Hispanic teenagers. They smelled really good.
Teen boy: It’s Axe.
Mother: What?
Teen boy: Axe.
Mother: Wait, what?
Teen boy: Axe!
Mother: Ass? That’s not nice to say about Hispanic people.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Kevo C.
