The Village

A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!

–Brooklyn Heights

Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: anon

Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!

–23rd Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!

–Lafayette & Astor

Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?

–Hudson St

Overheard by: lilli

And It’s a Fabulous Way to Augment Your Heterosexual Street Cred

Priest: Even the clergy like Project Runway!
Girl: Oh… um, cool.

—Project Runway event, Prince St

Overheard by: Fudd

Don’t Worry, It Didn’t Notice

Chick: Oh my God! I forgot I was in New York!

–Astor Place

If He Doesn’t Tell You to Fuck Off, You’re Golden

Tourist guy: How do I get to Essex Street from here?
New Yorker guy: Go down about seven or eight blocks, make a left, and ask somebody there.

–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Drew

“I mean, he’s not Christopher Reeve funny.”

Girl #1: I used to throw these really great parties and I invited this paraplegic guy who liked to do comedy routines. So he started his routine, and this fat lady runs up and starts grabbing his ass–
Girl #2: Was he funny?
Girl #1: Well, I don’t know, you know? He was just getting warmed up, and he kinda lost his flow when this woman started grabbing his ass and he couldn’t really stop her…I guess he was sort of funny.

–7th & Leroy

Coincidentally, How Cleopatra Resolved Political Disputes

Guy, to girl with bangs and big eyes: I like that… Cleopatra thing you got goin’ on there.
Girl, annoyed: Cleopatra? You think I look like Cleopatra?
Guy: Well, yeah.
Girl: Okay. (sighs) Can we just have sex now?

–W 4th St

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!

–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!

–President & Columbia

[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?

–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…

–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport

Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!

–Museum of Natural History

Yeah? I'd Love to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee!

Guy trying to plug laptop charger into outlet: Mind if I sneak this cord between your legs?
Girl near outlet: Sure! That sounds hot! It's the best offer I've gotten all day!
(guy blushes profusely)

–Think Coffee, Mercer St

Overheard by: Carmi

…And These Herpes Magically Disappear?

Way too blonde girl: Do you want to stay at my house tonight?
Dude: Absolutely not.
Way too blonde girl: What if my parents aren't home?

–Restsurant, University Place & 11th St

Overheard by: CourtSnort

If You Start Singing Again, I’ll Tell Security You’re From Yemen

Girl #1: I’m sick of college. Too much work.
Girl #2: Let’s just go to Funkytown.

–LaGuardia Airport

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