Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Obsessively Gay (for Tad)

Female MTA employee: I ain’t seen you in forever! Did you start working nights again?
Male MTA employee: Yeah… It was alright. But then I got bored, so I started watching soap operas again. I can’t believe Tad still looks the same.
Female MTA employee: Shit, you like him?
Male MTA employee: Hell yeah, I’m OG.

–4th Ave & 9th St station

Overheard by: Tacologic

Posted on June 26, 2015
About Celebrities, Blue-collar workers, Men, Names, Nostalgia, On the Subway, Questions, Talking/Convos, The Village, Time, TV, Women

Omg, Like W.O.L.s, Lolcatz!

Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!

–B9 Bus

20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.

–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Julie

20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?

–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker

Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!

–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: cody

Posted on June 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Laughter, Marriage, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It’s So Sad About Her Gambling Problem

Guy #1: I got a letter from Rosalyn & Jimmy Carter.
Guy #2: Oh really? How are they doing?
Guy #1: Good, they want money.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Carl

Posted on June 22, 2015
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Manhattan, Money & Class, People, Places, Politics, President, The Village, Topics

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Just outside the Blast Radius of an Impacting Piano

Mysterious liquid falls out of the blue sky and lands on three guys walking together.

Dude #1: What the fuck was that?
Dude #2: It smells like bong water! Dude, that is karma getting back at you, and we’re suffering for it, too.
Dude #3: Yeah, Gabe, from now on you walk 20 paces ahead of us.

–Bleecker

Overheard by: Max

Posted on June 21, 2015
Friends, Friendship, The Village, Weed

We Come Full Circle

Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I’m on the phone with my dealer.

–6th Avenue & West 4th Street

Overheard by: Robin M.

(cf. When we broke this story.)

Posted on June 20, 2015
About Celebrities, Drugs, Etiquette, Manhattan, Pop Culture, The Village

It Makes You Look Fat

Gay guy: Oh fuck, motherfucker!
Female friend: Why must you be so white?

–Bleecker & 7th Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Posted on June 19, 2015
Fag Hags, Friends, Insults, Queer guys, Questions, Race, The Village

Curtis, Do You Think We’re… Gay?

Man #1: That’s the second Korean movie that has ever made me cry.
Man #2: Oh, yeah. Lots of ’em do. I mean, if you see enough of them, a lot of them do.

–12th & University

Overheard by: James

Posted on June 18, 2015
Men, Movies, The Village

The Village