Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Just outside the Blast Radius of an Impacting Piano

Mysterious liquid falls out of the blue sky and lands on three guys walking together.

Dude #1: What the fuck was that?
Dude #2: It smells like bong water! Dude, that is karma getting back at you, and we’re suffering for it, too.
Dude #3: Yeah, Gabe, from now on you walk 20 paces ahead of us.

–Bleecker

Overheard by: Max

Posted on June 21, 2015
Friends, Friendship, The Village, Weed

We Come Full Circle

Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I’m on the phone with my dealer.

–6th Avenue & West 4th Street

Overheard by: Robin M.

(cf. When we broke this story.)

Posted on June 20, 2015
About Celebrities, Drugs, Etiquette, Manhattan, Pop Culture, The Village

It Makes You Look Fat

Gay guy: Oh fuck, motherfucker!
Female friend: Why must you be so white?

–Bleecker & 7th Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Posted on June 19, 2015
Fag Hags, Friends, Insults, Queer guys, Questions, Race, The Village

Curtis, Do You Think We’re… Gay?

Man #1: That’s the second Korean movie that has ever made me cry.
Man #2: Oh, yeah. Lots of ’em do. I mean, if you see enough of them, a lot of them do.

–12th & University

Overheard by: James

Posted on June 18, 2015
Men, Movies, The Village

Whatever Happened to Coat Hangers?

Logic-major girl #1: You’re totally into rich men. Like, I can see you dating a multi-million-dollar dork like Bill Gates.
Logic-major girl #2: I’m not attracted to money. I just like middle-aged men in suits, and you have to be rich to wear a suit. Also, I want someone who can pay for my abortion, because Lord knows I can’t afford it.

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: I’m not pregnant

Posted on June 17, 2015
Dating, Students, The Village

What Every Girl Longs to Hear

Guy: You could try working out.
Girl: I do work out.
Guy: Are you going to take that hip-hop class?
Girl: No.
Guy: I think I’m going to take that hip-hop class just so I can serve you. I’m going to go down there and serve you.

–3rd Avenue & 11th Street