Did Wednesday Crawl Up Your One-Liner and Die?

Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: not that guy

Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.

–67th & Amsterdam

NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" …yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!

–La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston

Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper

Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.

–L Train

Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on December 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Hobos, Kids, Men, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

An Impromptu Performance of the Famous Manhattan Jacket Dance

Man to woman, as she stamps on jacket: Hey, yo! My iPod's in there!
Woman, continuing to stamp on jacket: I don't give a fuck!

–8th & Broadway

Posted on December 20, 2014
Insults, iPod, Men, The Village, Women

Birds of a Feather…

Guy #1: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Guy #2: That’s hard, man. I’ve never been good at science.
Guy #3: Me neither.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: Bored at the Office

Posted on December 18, 2014
Default, Guys, Idiots, Science, Stupidity, The Village

Which Is Impossible Since We Never Touch Each Other… TMI?

New School girl #1: Hey! I love your dress.
New School girl #2: Thanks! I just got it.
Friendly professor: My wife has a dress just like that. When my mother saw her, she thought she was pregnant.

–New School

Posted on December 18, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Family Ties, Girls, New School, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village

Who Else Here Misses 'Boy Meets World'?

Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth.

–Broadway & 14th St

Overheard by: casey

Headline by: Postteen

Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 18, 2014
BJs, Comebacks, Cum, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Teens, The Village, Wishes & desires

Sending Us Back in Time to before It Happens So That I Can Prevent It

Woman #1: Well, maybe it’ll be better next time.
Woman #2: No, there ain’t gonna be a next time, because if there is a next time, I’m gonna kick you in the head!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: Duncan

Posted on December 17, 2014
The Village, Threats, Women

Coincidentally, “It's Magic, Bitch!” Is Sea World's Slogan.

Young guy: You know, I think I've actually eaten gator at Gatorland.
Young chick, looking exasperated: Why would they sell alligator to eat in Gatorland? That's like selling dolphin sandwiches at the aquarium!
Young guy: You're right! I better tell Shamu to watch out and go somewhere else because all I need is miracle whip and white bread, and voilá… It's magic, bitch!

–8th St & University Place

Posted on December 16, 2014
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, The Village

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Posted on December 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Internet, Old People, The Village, Weirdness, Women