Wednesday One-Liners for the Crazy Cat Lady

Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.

–Brooklyn Heights

Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.

–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn

Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.

–17th & 8th

Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Is that how it works?

Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.

–JFK

Posted on May 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, NYC Geography, On Cell, Physical appearance, Poop, Teens, Threats, Thugs, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Want Some?

Thug, talking about fanny pack: What is that? Your change purse?
Thugette: Nigga, that's my insulin!

–1 Train

Posted on May 5, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Ghetto Chicks, Illness, Medicine, On the Subway, Questions, Thugs

Gangstas, Inc. Still Hasn't Learned to Hold Private Staff Meetings

Girl on train: Excuse me, don't touch my bag.
Young thug: I am just tryin to close your zipper.
Girl: Yeah, and then you take my wallet!
Thug: Why you think I am gonna take yo wallet? Because I'm black?
Girl: No, because I heard you tell your friend “I'imma steal this bitch's wallet.”
Thug: Oh.

–A Train

Posted on April 28, 2015
Girls, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Thievery, Thugs

I Pity The Fool

Bling bling guy: It’s all real baby! It’s all real! You wanna see it? It’s all real! Maybe when you get some of your own, then you’ll know. It’s all real! Take a look!… I think I freaked her out, callin’ her out like that.

–Whitehall Street station

Posted on April 27, 2015
Manhattan, Pick-up Lines, Thugs

Shhh! Gwen’s in Disguise

White thug: Awww shit, it’s raining out? This shit is ridiculous!
Passerby: This shit is bananas!
White thug: Fuck you.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: the phantom listener

Posted on April 27, 2015
Thugs, Weather, Wiggers

Wall Street is the New Chelsea

A well-dressed African-American businessman passes.

Thug #1: He a faggot.
Thug #2: Yo, shut up, man. That faggot got money!

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on April 25, 2015
Black People, Gays and Lesbians, Money & Class, Street, Suits, Thugs

Top Rack Only

Thug #1: Yo, what about the dildo, man?
Thug #2: Man, I washed that shit, man! It’s in my fucking dishwasher!
Thug #1: Fly, son.

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: QB

Posted on April 22, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Comebacks, Dildos and Vibrators, Questions, Thugs

“…lots of red junk in the trunk, too.”

Thug: This was what I was tryin’ to tell him. I mean, why not? We got thumbs just like them monkeys.
Thugette: Yeah.
Thug: Some people even look like them apes too. You ever seen someone who looks like an ape?
Thugette: Yeah. She was pretty.

–Museum of Natural History

Posted on April 20, 2015
Animals & Nature, Beauty, Ghetto Chicks, Museum of Natural History, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white