Thug #1: She’s perfect! I couldn’t stop thinking about her while I was in prison, man.
Thug #2: Yeah, you can think of pretty amazing things in prison…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa
Thug #1: She’s perfect! I couldn’t stop thinking about her while I was in prison, man.
Thug #2: Yeah, you can think of pretty amazing things in prison…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa
Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?
–6th Ave & 12th
Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!
–N Train
Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.
Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!
–86th & Park Ave
Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?
–1st & 23
Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.
–Bus to Penn Station
Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!
–72nd & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Shannon
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.
–4 Train
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
–Christopher St
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
–Times Square
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
–Bronx Playground
Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Tween thugette #1, at a cologne display: I'ma get this for him for Christmas, cause he a homo! He a hydrogenate!
Tween thugette #2: No, he ugly!
–Target, Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Ashley
Thug on cell: Will I accept payment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t accept an eight-ball as payment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the only coke I do comes in five dollar rocks. I can’t afford to get hooked on that expensive shit.
–49th & 7th
Oveheard by: Prefers the expensive shit
Drunk guy, to his date: The reason I’m buying all of this coke is so that we can fuck.
–6th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Danielle
Girl: Can you imagine saying your vows when you’re that coked up?
–Remsen St, Brooklyn Heights
Party girl: Oh my God, she took a picture of me one time while I was doing a line, and I was, like, so pissed!
–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park
Dude: America runs on cocaine.
–W Broadway
Overheard by: ritajones
Goth chick: I just want to buy some fucking groceries so we don’t spend all our money on coke.
–Whole Foods, 14th St
10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?
–Coney Island-bound D train
Overheard by: BB
White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: Red Hair
Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?
–Union Hall, Park Slope
Overheard by: jasonjason
Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.
–Kosher Delight
Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Staying on the bus….
Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise.
–41st & Lexington
40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement)
–53rd & 7th
Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball.
–67th & Central Park West
Overheard by: Q
Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker!
–Astoria Boulevard, Queens
Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.
–33rd & Broadway
Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity!
–69th & Columbus
Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer.
–Flatbush & Beekman
Overheard by: Chelsea
Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.
–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th
Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense
German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: LeLeLe
Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.
–1 train
Overheard by: Silverhawk
High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.
–Houston & Green
Overheard by: chedr
Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"
–D train
Overheard by: tanechka
Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: McFreaky
Thug #1, on downtown platform: Yo, I love you, nigga!
Thug #2, on uptown platform: Yo, don't use the “nigga” word!
–6 Train
Thug #1: How do you know all that about the church?
Thug #2: Because I was a muthafuckin' altar boy for five years!
–Pride Parade, 25th &5th
Overheard by: fellow ex-catholic
