Good Thing Pluto Didn’t Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You’re a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I’m good-looking. You’re-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I’ll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you’re gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex’s dick when you’re supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she’s going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Posted on January 6, 2016
BJs, Couples, Coworkers, Florida, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Relationships, Sex, Tourist attractions, Weirdness

How Many Tons Of Vomit Does Disney World Produce a Year? Show Your Work.

20-something guy in the middle of a group: Guys, guys. I've got big news.
(group quiets down)
20-something guy: I just got a text from Ross. It says “Let's put it this way: they've stopped the ride, are cleaning up my vomit, and I'm leaving in a wheelchair. Spaceship Earth.”
(group cheers)

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Posted on November 10, 2015
Florida, Games, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Stupidity, Tourist attractions, Violence

If He Dies, They’ll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines

Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”

Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California

Posted on November 6, 2015
California, Death & dying, Default, Friends, Kids, Money, Offers and requests, Should have used a condom, Tourist attractions, Violence, Weirdness

Why They Only Buy Button-Down Shirts

Mother admonishing her child for sticking his head through the bars in a fence: You do not put your head through anything. Ever.

Disney World
Florida

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on September 22, 2015
Advice, Body parts, Default, Florida, Moms, Parenting, Tourist attractions

I'll Just Wait Here 'til It Melts

Tour bus driver to American girl: So you aren't doing the glacier hike?
American girl: No way! No one is making me walk up some icy hill!

Fox Glacier
New Zealand

Posted on September 12, 2015
Bus drivers, New Zealand, Questions, Stupidity, Tourist attractions

I Feel the Magma Flowing Beneath Their Placid Surface

Mother to daughter, regarding t-shirts: We need to get you a big one ’cause your boobs are growing way too fast.
Flat-chested daughter: Yeah, I know.

Hollywood Tower of Terror Shop
Disneyland, California

Posted on July 21, 2015
Body parts, California, Clothes, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Gender issues, Girls, Moms, Teens, Tourist attractions

And She Totally Fled the Trade Towers on 9/11

Drunk hipster girl: Let's drunk dial Cameron!
Drunker hipster guy: I hate Cameron!
Drunkest hipster guy: You know what my biggest problem with Cameron is? She wasn't in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina.

Hollywood Bowl
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Chantily

Posted on July 14, 2015
California, Drunks, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Offers and requests, Tourist attractions, Wishes

Dan Brown Totally Deserves This

50-something white-haired British guy: I know you!
Stranger: No sir, we haven't met.
50-something white-haired British guy: I remember you from before!
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, I just don't remember you.
50-something white-haired British guy: I was there too! We were both knights of Templar! You were Mary Magdalene's personal guard… How have you been all these years!?

Grand Canyon
Arizona

Overheard by: J