Travel

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erin and Willa

Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"

–Rivington & Essex

Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.

–2 Train

Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!

–5th Ave & 86th

Overheard by: GerMan in NY

Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!

–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station

Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.

–1st & St. Mark's

Oregon Trail Should Come with a Warning Label

Guy #1: You’re useless…you keep getting dysentery.
Guy #2: Maybe you’re just a lousy trail leader.
Girl: At least he doesn’t drown every time we cross a river.
Guy #1: Hey, you caulk the wagon, you take some chances.

–79th Street 1 station

It Was a Truck Full of Organic Food, Too

Man: So how have you been?
Woman: Oh, it’s been crazy. We just got plowed-into by a tractor-trailer. For the second time. It’s coming toward us and I’m looking at my husband and I’m thinking, ‘He’s going to die right here in front of me — and after all that chemotherapy!’

–Elevator, E 27th St

Overheard by: dr. schadenfreude

With Tear-Stained Cheeks, I Wander the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland

Park ranger: Boat to New Jersey to the left, New York to the right.
Guy heading to boats: Why would we ever want to go to New Jersey?
Park ranger: Good question.
K-9 cop: I guess you won't be visiting me… I'm living in exile over there.

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: ZANSR

She’s Been Listening to the New Stern Show

Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.

The train pulls away.

Old lady: Fuckhead.

–23rd Street F station

“But I’m lost! My mom’s name is Mommy!”

Woman: Where is there an elevator or ramp down to the lower tracks?
Info booth lady: Which track are you trying to get to?
Woman: It doesn’t matter…gate 120.
Info booth lady: We don’t have a gate 120. If you tell me where you’re really going, I’ll tell you how to get there!

–Grand Central

Aloha to the Freak State

Shopgirl: You got to go to Hawaii for the summer? You’re so lucky!
Shopqueer: Not so lucky; I had to come back.
Shopgirl: At least you got to get out of the country.

–Urban Outfitters, Upper West Side

…But If We Did, I'd Feel Those Pants Are Tacky.

British professor: When I moved from England to the States I was always so surprised to hear people use the phrase, “I feel” this and “I feel” that…
NYU kid: Why?
British professor: Because we don't feel.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

I Told You Not to Get Waxed in the Shape Of a Strip

NYU girl #1: So when you were in Israel did you hook up with any hot Israeli guys?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, he was this really hot army officer. But he was so aggressive…I think he though I was Gaza or something.

–Washington Square Park

Tyler Perry Knows All About Stupid

Comedy show guy: Comedy! You already spent money on the plane ticket to come to this stupid place, you might as well have some fun while you're here. We have black people and fried shit. Ma'am, do you want to see a comedy show?
Large black woman: No.
Comedy show guy: Why not? Are you “different”?
Large black woman: No, I live here, so I already know everything is stupid. Including your show.
Comedy show guy:: Give me a hug. That was awesome.

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Wes

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