Male retiree: Do you have any books by Stephen Hawking?
Librarian: By him or about him?
Male retiree: I don’t know. An easy one. Did you know he has two kids?
Librarian: No…
Male retiree: Yeah, I saw him on PBS last night, he’s, you know… And he has two kids!
Librarian: He must be proud.
–Brooklyn Library
Woman: You know, the only shots Beth* will take are jello shots. She loves them!
Friend: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Woman: I know, I mean she’s 93 years old and still hopping. She loves the high-def television.
–B.L.T Prime, E. 22nd St
Overheard by: cracking up by the coat check
Teacher: Who was the first African-American woman court justice?
Girl: Judge Judy!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Woman #1: Ooh. I like that top!
Woman #2: Thanks.
Woman #1: It’s very Sex and the City. Where’d ya get it?
Woman #2: Penney’s.
–Shuttle Train to Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Robert
Girl #1: God, I hate professional basketball. The other night I was hanging out with some guys and they were like: “The playoffs are on!” and I was like: “Yea, so is The Hills.”
Girl #2 (disgusted): Ugh, you watch that?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Actually, so do I.
–MJ Armstrong’s Public House
Hipster girl: You know, I’ll find out if you’re lying. Then I’ll kill you.
Hipster guy: Yeah, I’m sure you could, Magnum P.I.
Hipster girl: (blank stare)
Hipster guy: You know? Private investigator? In Hawaii? It was a TV show in the 80s? Tom Selleck?
Hipster girl: If you’re just going to keep referencing obscure things this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere.
–F Frain
Kid #1, sharing iPod with kid #2: Hey, it’s the CSI song!
Kid #2: (laughs) Yeah.
Kid #1: It’s like we’re secret agents!
Kid #2: (laughs) No.
Kid #1: Yeah! It is.
Kid #2: No… It’s like, we’re stoners on the subway listening to The Who.
–F Train
Drunk girl: That sucks that Souljah Boy is getting sued. His song is really good.
Drunk guy: Are you serious? Do you know what “Superman” means?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it means you ejaculate on someone’s back and stick the bed sheet to it. Like a Superman cape.
Drunk guy: Ok, but do you know what “Spiderman” means?
Drunk girl: No.
Drunk guy: It means you cum in your hand and throw it at the chick in a big blob!
Drunk girl: Ewww, like Nickelodeon Gak!
–House Party, Bronx
Overheard by: Sromeo
Tourist lady #1: Look Sherry, there’s the tree.
Tourist lady #2: Wow, great! I’m soooo excited. (sees it) That’s it? Looks bigger on TV!
Tourist lady #1: Everything looks bigger on TV. Oprah isn’t really that fat.
Passerby: This ain’t Rockefeller Center ladies, go back to Kansas.
–Bryant Park Tree, 6th Ave & 41st
Overheard by: tonyElev
Suit: Do you know what it’s like when you’re reading the news and you get 19 clips of Brazilian women fucking?
–Astor Place & Lafayette
Overheard by: that’s a problem?
Woman to dinner companion: I think I’d like to get into flagellation porn. I’m not really sure how to go about it though.
–Ludlow & Broome
Random girl, during lull in party conversation: But it’s straight porn!
–Bleecker & W 10th
Overheard by: Deontology
Guy: I wouldn’t fuck her if she was the last person on earth! There had better be porn on cable!
–5 Train
Professor: Does anyone know Henry Miller? [Girl raises her hand.] You and those of us… those of us who had to resort to the Sears Roebuck catalog for porn… Well, when we got older we had to turn to higher literature so we’d flip through Henry Miller for delightful dirty passages.
–Religion Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: liza
