Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)
–Metro-North, Harlem
Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop
Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
Spanish chick #1: Some people are so stupid.
Spanish chick #2: You know what I’m saying?
Spanish chick #3: I’m studying psychology with a friend of mine and he said that this kid he knows got caught stealing but–get this, right?–the kid said he is not a thief he is just a kleptomaniac.
–Clothing store, 106th & 3rd
Overheard by: pimsluer
Five-year-old son: Why does everybody call Daddy a pussy? And what is that?
Mother: Daddy is the definition of a pussy.
–Prada store, Soho
Overheard by: Sandra Dittmeyer Hunter Jones
Thug holding up cigarette: Sulfur?
Suit: Huh?
Thug: Fire?
Suit: What?
Thug: Burn?
Suit: I don’t… Uh…
Thug: Spark?
Suit: Wha–?
Thug: Blaze?
Old black woman in nurse’s uniform at next table: He wants to know if you have a match. Learn to speak English, nigga!
–Wendy’s, Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.
–St John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Not from Staten Island
Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.
–LIRR
Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: The Sock
Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!
–G Train
Overheard by: paco
Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
–Staten Island Ferry
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Smarlow
Teen #1, disappointed: Yo, she took me to the museum yesterday.
Teen #2: Whoa! This guy goes to museums! Which one?
Teen #1: Not the art one, the other one.
Teen #2: (puzzled silence)
Teen #1: There was like mad prehistoric animals and a big-ass whale and shit.
Teen #2: Oh…the zoo!
–6 Train
Thug #1: Yo, what it mean when you call a woman “apple bottom”?
Thug #2 (half asleep): Cake.
Thug #1 to thugette: See woman, I told you it mean you got cake.
–1 Train
Overheard by: bianca's boyfriend
Suit #1: How do you say S-H-I-I-T-E?
Suit #2: Shee-ite.
Suit #1: God, I’ve been saying S-H-I-T all this time.
–F train
