Woman #1: There is no ethical dilemma! It’s right there in the Bible!
Woman #2: Oh, Bible schmible.
Woman #1: Honestly, Helen. Is that the best rejoinder you can manage? Can we possibly have just one discussion without you pulling out the schmefix?
–Stuyvesant Town Oval
Overheard by: Laid-Off Dad
Man: I never understood what that meant: “brickoven.”
Woman: It means it's cooked in a brick oven.
–Grimaldi's Pizza
Overheard by: Stacy
Five-year-old boy at young nanny as they wait in line: Mimi? You're the “c” word.
Mimi, looking shocked: The “c” word? What do you mean?
Five-year-old boy: You know… C-e-x-y. Will you marry me?
–Checkout Line, Columbus Circle Whole Foods
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.
–11th & University
Overheard by: Maggie
Pretty girl at hamburger exhibition: Wait, it's got pork in it? Do you even eat pork?
(pause) I mean… Not because you're Jewish, I just thought you didn't eat pork for some reason.
Tall male friend: I eat pork.
–Laundromat Gallery, Bushwick
Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia.
–Ellis Island
Overheard by: Cat
Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: joanie
Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there!
–Outside Empire State Building
Overheard by: Duppy
Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here?
–Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church
Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Courtney C.
Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off.
–R Line
Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals…
Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit.
–Canal St
Chick: I don’t know what is wrong with her, she was acting so
agnoxious.
–Office, Madison & 38th
Hipster guy: Whenever they build a new road, it should be the blankth street ever made. 34th Street should be the 34th street ever built.
–C train
Overheard by: A. Magnus
Fat girl: When I used to play Scrabble just for the words, I sucked.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Gregorio
Chick: Oh my god, you’re so stupid. Canal Street isn’t in Chinatown; it’s in English, how could it be Chinatown?
–N train
Overheard by: Steph Lo
Drunk girl: I didn’t have an ego until I started doing acid. My friend and I, we would just sit around and do acid and talk about how cool we were. We had this thing called “P.A.S.” that stood for “Phat As Shit.” We’d be like, “We…are P.A.S.”
–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B
Homie: Yo, you see that shit on Family Guy? That nigga Quagmire be funny, son! That “giggity giggity” shit! Yo son, that nigga tied up a cheerleader and shit and always be trying to nail the little bitch.
–N train
Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…
–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx
Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Spec
Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.
–T.G.I. Friday's
Overheard by: Chris K
Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".
–37th & 3rd
Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.
–3rd & 1st
Overheard by: j
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat do you want?
Asian customer: Wedgie!
Chipotle guy: Spiced pork?
Asian customer: Vegetable!
–Chipotle, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: I just wanted chicken
Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
