Three-year-old tripping as train leaves platform: Jesus Christ!
Mother: Derek! … Did you learn that from church, or from when Mommy gets mad at Daddy?
–B train
Overheard by: Mike DS
Three-year-old tripping as train leaves platform: Jesus Christ!
Mother: Derek! … Did you learn that from church, or from when Mommy gets mad at Daddy?
–B train
Overheard by: Mike DS
Senior girl #1: So, what is that ‘Derfer’ thing I keep seeing all those signs about?
Senior girl #2: What?
Senior girl #1: You know, Derfer — D-A-R-F-U-R
Senior girl #2: Dare-fyore? Hmmm, I don’t know.
Senior girl #1: Whatever. Anyways…
–Townsend Harris High
Little boy in stroller playing with toy car: Bomb! It’s a bomb!
Mom, wagging finger: It’s not a bomb, sweetie. Don’t say that.
Little boy: It’s a bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: We have a bomb! Play with the bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
–Manhattan-bound 3 train
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn’t have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Ferry
Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don’t care if they’re the god of all punctuation marks, that’s just weird!
–Stuyvesant High School
Metrosexual: I’m fairly certain that I’ve read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Karin
Ghetto chick: Nah, all I’m sayin’s is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me.
–Jamaica-bound F train
Overheard by: Floyd
Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn’t say it was a good planet…
–Tuxedo Renaissance Festival
Overheard by: Murray
MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.
–W Train
British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!
–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard
Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.
–Classroom, NYU
Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?
–F Subway
Overheard by: laura
Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Asian to another: And it's like, how many ABCs are there at NYU these day?
Girl to friend, once off train: What's an ABC?
Friend: Asian by Choice?
–F Train
Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.
–W 27th St
Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.
–SoHo
Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.
–7th Ave
Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.
–L Train
Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.
–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St
College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Liz
Mom (to young girl banging on subway seat): Stop that, quiet.
Young girl: What'cha gonna do, open up a can of whoop-ass on me?
Mom: Girl, what did you say? Where did you learn that?
Young girl: You always say it to daddy.
–2 Train
Kid #1, after playing hide-and-seek: So where were you?
Kid #2: I hid in the bush.
Kid #3, yelling and throwing hands in the air in disgust: No! You weren't hiding in the bush, you were hiding in the shrubs. Doesn't anybody know the difference between bushes and shrubs?!
–Central Park
