Wednesday One-Liners Have a Permit for That

Woman: So he wakes up trippin’ in the middle of the night, telling me to go get him a gun.

–Queens Blvd & 82nd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Conductor: This is an express train. Express. Express. Express. No Fordham, no Bronx. Express, express, express. Well…I wanna shoot myself!

–Metro North train

Overheard by: Jeff

Man: Hey baby, nice body … Get fat and I’ll shoot ya.

–Classon Ave & Lafayette Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sheila

Hobo: My grandma isn’t here anymore to send me to the store to buy her a Colt 45, but I can still love Jesus!

–Uptown 3 train

Overheard by: jane shields

Ghetto guy: Man, my boy just got shot!

–Stanton St & Orchard St

Overheard by: Kris

Thug: A gun? You gotta shoot that bitch with a crossbow.

–L train, Lorimer Ave

Posted on November 8, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Brooklyn, Conductors, Hobos, On the Subway, Queens, Shoot, Threats, Thugs

And if I Wanted to Demonstrate Praeteritio, I Would Have…Never Mind

Suit: I wouldn’t want to tangle with you, bitch.
Ghetto girl: I can’t believe you just called me a bitch. That is so offensive!
Suit: Don’t be so uptight. In the city, bitch is just a generic term for female. If I wanted to offend you I would have called you a cunt. So chill.

–Burger King, 23rd & Park Avenue South

Posted on November 2, 2006
Advice, Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Ghetto Chicks, Gripes, Insults, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, Words

‘Hey, Big Titty Mama!’: Reminiscences of a Life in New York

Girl #1: Somebody in a limo yelled something obscene at me today, but I couldn’t hear them because I had my iPod on.
Girl #2: Yeah, you should always have your iPod on so you can’t hear the terrible things people shout at you.
Girl #1: But then I wouldn’t have any material for my memoirs!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Monia Paford

Posted on October 29, 2006
Advice, Books & Writing, Friends, Insults, iPod, On the Subway

Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily…Thank You for Your Patience

Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!

–Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Muffin

Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.

–LIRR, Hempstead station

Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: E Moran

Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.

–Queens bound N train

Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.

–Coney Island bound F train

Overheard by: F Train Sloper

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 Train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Jonny

Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.

–F train

Posted on October 25, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Movies, On the Subway, President, Subway Stations, Trains Not Subway, Travel

It’s Hard to Explain Pony Play to Literalists

Girl #1: So I felt really bad for him because he’s 53 years old and just got fired from the one job he knows how to do. But then he got that horse and his life turned around.
Girl #2: I know, he has a large studio in Soho so it has plenty of room to run around, and now he no longer has to ride in cabs or subways.
Girl #1: Yeah. I should get a horse too.

–Union Square & 16th St

Posted on October 23, 2006
Advice, Age/Aging, Animals & Nature, Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Union Square and East Village

Hot, Well-Dressed Straight Men Are a Dime a Dozen

Queer: Darling, if I were to undergo de-gayifying electroshock therapy, I swear that you would be my first piece of woman to pursue.
Girl: No, never.
Queer: Ummm… And why not?
Girl: Because then you would just be another hot-on-the-street like the rest. Stay gay, I love you that way.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Adrian

Posted on October 22, 2006
Advice, Gays and Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Sexuality

A Real Porn Star Would’ve Held out Longer than 5 Minutes

Guy: He’s kind of cute.
Girl: No he’s not, I do not approve.
Guy: Whatever, I think he’s a really interesting person.
Girl: Of course he’s interesting. He’s addicted to coke and he’s a gay porn star and we know all of this about him and we’ve only known him for 5 minutes.

–no idea bar 20th St & 5th Ave

Posted on October 15, 2006
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Cocaine, Friends, Girls, Guys, Porn

From JC Penney to Stardom Was Just A Hop, Skip, and a Jump for RuPaul

Little boy: Ewww…ewww….
Mom: Stop saying ewww..those are bras..
Little boy: I hate bras
Mom: Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind when you gets older.

–JC Penney lingerie department, Queens

Overheard by: a fellow shopper

Posted on October 15, 2006
Advice, Age/Aging, Boys, Clothing, Customers, Kids, Moms, Queens, Store, Talking/Convos

Damn It, I’m Never Gonna Get Back to My Birth Weight

Anorexic dancer #1: Dude, so I only have to lose like, twelve more pounds.
Anorexic dancer #2: No way! I’ll never get cast in the workshop performance if I don’t break one hundred.
Anorexic dancer #1: Yeah, you should just give up now.

–School of American Ballet