Conductor #1: I have to head back to check out a problem.
Conductor #2: What’s the problem?
Conductor #1: Apparently some guy is masturbating in his seat.
Conductor #3: Could you two please switch to another channel?
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Steve Ross
Mom: Nigga, chill! Grandma’s going to make you some Spanish baked ziti. And I got me some tequila, some margarita mix, and a big ass bottle of tequila, and dat shit’s about to get twisted!
A train rushes by on other track.
Mom: Damn! That shit just gave me an orgasm!
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Emily Aldridge
Old woman: I need to see the lady to get my PIN number to activate my card.
Old man: They sent you your PIN.
Old woman: I need to see that lady over there.
Old man: I’m telling you, you have your PIN already.
Old woman: Just shut your fucking mouth while I see the lady.
–Bank of America, Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: Anna
Teen boy #1: Yo, why the fuck these niggas keep getting on? Ain’t no room for them.
Teen boy #2: Next bus! Next bus, please!
Teen boy #1: Ugh, what the fuck, man? What they gonna do, climb up people’s ass?
Teen boy #3: The bus driver should tell them to move back.
Teen boy #1: Pssh, that shit don’t work.
Teen boy #3: Naw man, it does. Last time on the school bus, the driver was like, “Stop playin’, niggas.” For real, that’s what he said.
–Q13 bus
Store guy: Ha! Nice scooter.
Girl: At least I don’t work at Foot Locker, asshole.
Store guy: At least I don’t wear plaid and play lesbian softball.
–Delancey & Allen
Mom: Honey, smile!
Teen girl: Supermodels don’t smile.
–Central Park
Overheard by: D. Lowy
Girl #1: Let’s take a picture! It’ll be cute! Hee, hee, hee.
Girl #2: No way! I just ate!
–65th & Madison
Overheard by: gabe wigrom
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Girl: Do you sell tights with feet?
Store chick: Sorry, we only sell stuff that’s trendy.
–Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Amusled
Mom: If you don’t stop acting up I’m going to push you back into my tummy.
Little girl: No you can’t.
Mom: And why not? You came out of me, so I can certainly shove you back in.
Little girl: Because if you do, I’ll start screaming and call the cops on you.
–Daffy’s, Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Need a Belt
Guy #1: You should feel honored to live in New Jersey.
Guy #2: I like living in Jersey. It just really sucks commuting here every day.
Guy #1: It’s like the Jews being kosher. It’s the price you pay for being chosen.
–12th & 5th
