Ghetto guy #1: That broad last night was a dude, man.
Ghetto guy #2: Nah, yo, she was fine.
Ghetto guy #1: Yo, nigga, you was making out with a man.
Ghetto guy #2: She had a fine ass, though.
Ghetto guy #1: It was a man, yo!
Ghetto guy #2: I ain’t gay though, right?
–E train, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: Tina B=Tits McGee
Cashier: Girl, will you take over for me? I need a break.
Employee: What for?
Cashier: I gotta go scratch my booty.
–Gristedes on W 4th St
Guy: But I have to say that 93% of the time I smell good.
–West Building, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Butch lesbian: Damn, now that’s the stank I’m talkin’ about. It smells like ass in here!
–Lexington/51St subway station
Girl on cell: Ok, I’ll meet you for coffee, but I need to stop and get some deodorant, because apparently, according to my entire Spanish class, I stink.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: keeping my distance
Ghetto girl: Tanise, what kind of funk are tryin’ to hide with that stink?
–42nd & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Lauri
Ghetto Girl: If my pussy stank I’d kill myself. My pussy ain’t never stank.
–1 train
Overheard by: Josh H
Little boy: You smell like piss!
–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Jenny
Yuppie woman: He’s 14! That’s old enough to recognize the smell of burning human flesh!
–Broadway, between 11th St & 12th St
Overheard by: Are We There Yet?
Thug #1: Yo, I heard some shit about they got sperm samples of scientists from the 1950s stored underneath the ice skating rink.
Thug #2: Oh shit, look at that bitch’s ass over by the flags.
Thug #1: Damn.
–Rockefeller center
Overheard by: Nado
Mom: Zacky! Where your ass at?
Small boy: Nowhere.
Mom: Yeah it is!
–Times Square
Building engineer #1, watching pretty girl disembark: Pretty girl.
Building engineer #2: Very pretty.
Building engineer #1: You know, I would eat a pile of shit to get to that ass.
–Elevator, 130 Liberty St
Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass.
–Astoria Blvd
Overheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim
Runners-Up:
· “A Little ‘Piece’ of Heaven” – Mistress Squidia
· “And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven…” – smo
· “Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit.” – Paul Nielsen
· “From Rear to Eternity” – ilemanzer
· “Heaven i’taint.” – Lee
· “Holy Shit” – lounamaa
· “I Don’t Think That’s What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: ‘I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'” – Jenny
· “Must Be a ZoroASStrian” – John P.
· “Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau” – steph
· “Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You’re Led to Believe in Church.” – J.C.
· “Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?” – kelynsh
Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?
–Cafeteria, the Met
Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!
–Brooklyn bound C train
Overheard by: ryan
Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!
–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg
Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i still sell the iPods
Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!
–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens
Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.
–108th & Manhattan
Overheard by: N
Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.
–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
3-Year-Old boy, putting both hands on butt of woman in front of him: Mooove!
Pushed woman: You shouldn’t let your boy do that.
Mother: What do you expect him to do? He’s got a big ass in his face!
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Thug: Yo, money don’t grow on trees and come out your ass.
–82nd St, Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Jobee
Old woman on cell: I came to New York to see you. Now get your fucking ass down here right now!
–52nd & Lex
Overheard by: Laughing Seattlite
Junior high kid: Well you try shoving a tampon up a dog’s ass.
–L train
Girl: It’s so hot in here I feel like I’m swimming through the swamp that is someone’s ass.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: TommyBP
Suit on cell: I will not be disrespected like this. I ain’t gonna be disrespected! I’m a grown ass man, damnit!
–Tribeca
Guy, after being yelled at by the driver who has rammed his car: Look, just calm down. Let me explain something: you’re an asshole, all right?
–2nd St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: johnnymac
Thug on cell: He get his ass whupped one time, he won’t testify. Plus, he all short, like 5’9″ or 5’10”, and carry all that weight. I whup his ass, we won’t have no more problems.
–DMV, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn
