Boys

Mother, pointing to a woman playing the musical saw: She is singing!
Son: No, She’s playing the saw.
Mother: There is an orchestra playing!
Son: It is a tape.
Mother: And she is singing?
Son. No. She is sawing.
Mother: What did you say?
Son: Go, have a look.
Mother: …….
Son: And?
Mother: It’s like singing.
Son: That’s it, the saw.
Mother: What a nice voice she has!
Son: She is not singing. It’s the saw that’s singing.
Mother: No way… She is singing into the saw?
Son: No, no singing. Just sawing.
Mother: But she is opening her mouth.
Son: She is breathing.
Mother: Are you sure she is not singing?

–Union Square subway station

Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.

–St. James Theatre

Overheard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!

–Port Authority

Kid #1, bouncing basketball on the sidewalk: Jesus was like: “Go back to earth and suffer… Or your ass is going to hell.”
Kid #2: Yeah…

–Bushwick Ave & Meserole St, East Williamsburg

Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.

–110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alexandra

Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo’ mouth!

–Uptown 6 Train

Teenage girl: But she sucks a lot of dick for money!
Teenage boy: At least she’s getting paid! You suck a lot of dick for free! Who’s the winner in that situation?

–153rd St & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Boy #1: What did you do last night?
Boy #2: I fucked what's-his-face last night.
Boy #1: You don't remember his name?
Boy #2: If it's under six inches, you don't get remembered!

–17th & 7th

Overheard by: Wyatt J

Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know.

–West Village

(20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.

–1 Train

Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: bildita

Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone.

–Smith & Wollensky

Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck?

–96th & Madison

Overheard by: grateful undead

Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama!

–125th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: The Drummey

HS kid #1: You know what teflon is?
HS kid #2: No.
HS kid #1: It’s the stuff you coat bullets with so that they’ll pierce a bulletproof vest.

–23rd St. & Broadway

Overheard by: M Cohn

Little boy #1: You’re afraid to talk to girls!
Little boy #2 (very solemnly): Because they’re monsters.

–56th & 8th

Overheard by: Cori