Chick, pointing to mole on friend's arm: Hey, so how's that cancer going for you?
Friend: Oh my god! It's developing!

–St. John's University, Queens

Person #1: New suit?
Person #2: No, I got cancer.


Three-year-old girl, pointing to a page in Eric Carle's The Mixed-Up Chameleon: Why does he have an umbrella?
Dad: Some people have to wear umbrellas all the time, otherwise they'll get lots of freckles or end up with squamous cell carcinoma and die.

–B Train

Overheard by: sometimesdee

French girl #1: My friend cannot eat pineapple, because the last time he did, he got this -what do you call it- in his mouth…
American guy: Herpes!
French girl #2: Uh… I don't know if that is the word.
French girl #1: Yea, he ate it and had these little spots…
American guy: Herpes! I have herpes all the time, too.
French girl #2: Maybe it is the same word in English.
French girl #1: Well he has this small problem near his eye…
American guy: An eye tumor?
French girl #1: Yes, like a little, uh, tumor.
American guy: Man, you guys have weird diseases in France.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: AJ

Tall Hispanic girl: Yeah, we talk in class a lot, Jen*’s a really nice girl!
Short Hispanic girl: Oh, I know, she has breast cancer!

–Woodhaven Boulevald, Queens

Overheard by: Lizzie

Little boy: Mommy, can’t you just walk off breast cancer?
Mom, screaming: No!

–Houston & Broadway

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Fish guy: Yeah, my dad died of colon cancer in 2001.
Blonde: Oh, how’s he doing?

–Grocery store, Astoria

Overheard by: Dustin

Headline by: Mr. Gee

· “‘Great Listener’ Is On Her Resumee” – Denny
· “Decomposing Quite Nicely, Thank You for Asking” – RBNY
· “I’d Say His Condition Is Stable” – Tadzio
· “Rolling Over About Now” – Kaitlen
· “Rotting, No Doubt” – Katy
· “Well, Mom Won’t Share a Bed with Him Anymore.” – Cassie
· “Worst Pick-up, Best Blow-off” – halfknot

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Older woman to cashier: Well, I had one of those, one of those… ummm… X-rays? MRIs?
Hipster in line: Mammogram?
Older woman: That’s it! I don’t have the cancer.

–99 Cent Store, near Devoe

Overheard by: I love MRI pics

Dude #1: Yeah, he tans all the time by the track. He uses, like, a quarter of a bottle of tanning oil.
Dude #2: Well, there’s a lot of skin cancer.
Chick: I think skin cancer is overrated. Not to be disrespectful, but is it even legitimate?

–Jamaica-bound Q30 bus

Overheard by: Liza