Wednesday One-liners Have Their Priorities Straight

Three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. One stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: Wow! That was the new Motorola.

–79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam

Guy: As soon as I get my unemployment check, I’m going to buy a new TV.

–Penn Station

Woman on cell: I lost my sunglasses and I have cancer.

–34th & Madison

Overheard by: Lisa

Boy, 8: Look Mom! I think Daddy likes the Hummer more than you.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Adam Kraemer

Guy on pay phone: I haven’t decided if I prefer the smell of fresh urine or stale urine. I’ll let you know.

–Hotel Edison, West 47th Street

Guy: I told you what my goal is: to be lazy. 20 years from now, I want to be lazy.

–St. Mark’s Place between 2nd & 3rd

Posted on January 10, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cancer, Cars and Driving, Cell Phone, Compliments, Money & Class, Time, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

It Was a Truck Full of Organic Food, Too

Man: So how have you been?
Woman: Oh, it’s been crazy. We just got plowed-into by a tractor-trailer. For the second time. It’s coming toward us and I’m looking at my husband and I’m thinking, ‘He’s going to die right here in front of me — and after all that chemotherapy!’

–Elevator, E 27th St

Overheard by: dr. schadenfreude

Posted on January 10, 2015
Cancer, Death, Elevators, Friends, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Travel

On the Plus Side, It’s Gotten Her Active in the Charity Scene

Middle-aged actress #1: I just spent six thousand dollars on chemotherapy for my 13-year-old cat.
Middle-aged actress #2: Oh, I have a great homeopathic vet. What kind of cancer did she have?
Middle-aged actress #1: Breast cancer. She had a full mastectomy.

–Bank St & 8th Ave

Posted on November 8, 2014
Actors, Cancer, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Money & Class, We Love Our Pets, West Village

It's Made Him Selfish

Girl #1: So yeah, he's been telling my mom every time I fuck up.
Girl #2: Ugh. How old is he, even?
Girl #1: Like 40, maybe 50-ish.
Girl #2: So why, like, do you just not tell him to fuck off?
Girl #1: I want to, but he's been acting all bad-ass since he got cancer.

–Greenpoint YMCA

Overheard by: Anwar

Posted on October 30, 2014
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Cancer, Girls, Insults, Parents, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Which One's the “Smart” Friend? Show Your Work.

Girl #1: I am just not a fan of the Jonas Brothers.
Girl #2: I don't know, the one with cancer is pretty cute.
Girl #1: What? I don't think any of them have cancer…
Girl #2: Yeah, the youngest one.
Girl #1: He doesn't have cancer, he has diabetes.
Girl #2: Oh, right! Because if he had cancer, he wouldn't have all that hair.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on October 19, 2014
Beauty, Cancer, Girls, Hair, Illness, Music, Parks, Washington Square Park

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and There's Nothing to Watch.

Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.

–Lehman College

Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!

–Outside of Guggenheim

Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Melissa

Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.

–J Train

Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.

–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Battery Park, Cancer, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Idiots, More museums, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Store, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And Yet Which One's Legal?

Guy: But weed gives you cancer.
Girl: No. Cigarettes be givin' you cancer. Weed makes you be high.

–42nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: kimmykins

Posted on September 15, 2014
Cancer, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Smoking, Weed

So Now She’s Skinnier Than Me!

Tiny gym bunny: I’ve had a really hard past couple of years…
Gym guy: Really?
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, last year my mom got breast cancer…
Gym guy: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, and to top it off, I got fat!
Gym guy: Pardon?

–Crunch Gym, 13th & Broadway

Posted on September 13, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Bimbettes, Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Gyms

Skimming, Actually

Middle aged man #1: I smoke a joint every once in a while with him.
Middle aged man #2: Well, it's good for you–it stops cancer. You know, the whole medicinal marijuana thing I've been reading about in the paper…

–Broadway & 84th St

Posted on July 3, 2010
Cancer, Men, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weed

For That, and for Wearing Those Horrid Tasseled Loafers.

Gay dude to girl friend: Stupid-ass Aids-filled cancer patient.
Girl friend: That's why you're gonna die tomorrow.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Glory

Posted on June 26, 2010
AIDS, Cancer, Death, Fag Hags, Insults, On the Subway, Queer guys

Cancer