Thug #1: Yo, Quame got cancer, right?
Thug #2: Yeah.
Thug #1: See, that what he get for stealin' from me…

–L Train

Overheard by: Paul

Guy: Nathan's the only one that's never lied to me.
Ditzy girl: Oh, yeah? What about me? I've never lied to you!
Guy: You did lie to me. That one time you told me you had Aids/cancer. I looked that up. It doesn't exist!

–Bobst Library, NYU

Overheard by: Krys

Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive?

–Upper East Side

Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina?

–32nd & 8th

Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded!

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Maureen

30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas.

–D Train

Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Can I borrow it?

Jewish woman: You bought the wrong kind of challah!
Jewish man: So what? It's not the worst thing.
Jewish woman: Yes it is!
Jewish man: Is it worse than cancer?

–Union Turnpike, Queens

Small blonde woman, pointing at pink enamel elephant pin for sale: That's cute.
Shopping companion: Yeah, do we know any Republicans with either breast cancer or the DTS?

–Housing Works, Hudson & 10th St

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.

–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital

Overheard by: Dustin

Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.

–96th & Columbus Ave

Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!

–East Village

Overheard by: Erin

Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.

–R Train

Overheard by: what the hell?

Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.

–116th & Broadway

Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Hipster #1: You got cancerous tumor in my benign cyst!
Hipster #2: No, you got benign cyst in my cancerous tumor.
Hobo: Y'all both need to get y'asses to a fuckin' doctor!
Hipster #2: Do I know you?

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Michael B. Isberg

Girl: Am I turning into a unicorn?
Guy: No, you just have cancer.

–Boss Tweed's bar

Overheard by: Unicorns

Monster Energy drink rep: Free energy drinks! (hands drink out)
20-something woman: I'll get my cancer elsewhere, thanks.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Queso

Guy holding unlit cigarette: Hey, got a light?
Woman exiting building: You're standing outside a cancer hospital, asshole.

–York Ave & E 67th St

Overheard by: quitalongtimeago