Girl: I think that guy is waving to me.
Guy: That’s a streetlight. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that third piece of paper.
Girl: I can’t wait ’til vegoose.
–South Street Seaport
Girl: I think that guy is waving to me.
Guy: That’s a streetlight. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that third piece of paper.
Girl: I can’t wait ’til vegoose.
–South Street Seaport
Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m at the Diesel party. Everything’s free. Just come and say you’re one of the Chapin sisters; they never showed up…What you mean? Just go to the door guy and say, “Hi, I’m one of the Chapin sisters.”…I don’t know their first names! Just say you’re a Chapin sister!
–Sky Studios, Broadway
Girl on cell: I was like, “Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don’t ever talk to me again.” Such a bitch. And the thing is, she’s not even cute. Like, she has no right! She’s a fucking bitch, and she’s ugly! It’s one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you’re ugly? You just don’t do that.
–19th & Broadway
Aspiring fashionista: I don’t know what I’d do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I’d probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?
–SoHo
Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.
–JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you’re ugly, but healthy.
–Pediatrics office, Tribeca
Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, “Ew that is so ugly,” which was kinda bitchy, don’t you think? So I told her, “That’s because it would look like shit on you.”…Whatever. It’s true.
–NYSC, Whitestone
Overheard by: Karen
Girl: Enjoy your party! Everyone here loves you!
Birthday boy: Ehh.
Girl: Everyone here loves alcohol!
Birthday boy: Better.
–Revival Bar, 15th & Irving
Dude #1: We went to a strip club for his birthday.
Dude #2: Cool.
Dude #1: He was bragging that the stripper kissed him, but she made him sick!
Dude #2: Not cool.
Dude #1: Now he has mono and feels like he’s going to die.
–58th & Columbus
Overheard by: finished lunch anyway
Headline by: mannadew
Runners-Up:
· “Best-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” – Keith Campbell
· “For the Man Who Has Had Everything” – Eric
· “Her day-job was a Karma Policewoman.” – Jehan
· “I’m thinking Christian Slater for the movie..” – yanick massicotte
· “Laser Tag Never Sounded Better” – Ned
· “Maybe the Nurse Will Strip For Him” – Trey Jackson
· “Not as bad as when I got Stigmata after a lap dance from Rachel Dratch” – Tourist #8
· “Not Everything Stays in Vegas” – miaka mouse
· “Now He’s Bragging That He Didn’t Get Herpes.” – Katie
Girl: So did you ask your mom if you can go to the party or not?
Guy: Oh yeah! She said yes. But she made me promise to not come home this time with no pants on.
Girl: Seems fair.
–Rite Aid, Lex Ave
Overheard by: Jack
Teen girl: Let’s talk about prom and Toni Morrison.
–Lincoln Center
Fratboy #1: Did I tell you what Danny said to me?
Fratboy #2: No.
Fratboy #1: Pulls me into his room, says, “I have two things to talk to you about. One, we can’t have so many house parties, because the house doesn’t want that. And two, when we have house parties, only I can go around handing out acid, ’cause that’s what the house wants.”
Fratboy #2: Whoa.
Fratboy #1: I was like, “Danny, you have pissed me off.” I walked out of there.
–Crunch, East 13th Street
Overheard by: John Osvald
Guy #1: Would you like to sign a petition for the Marijuana Party?
Guy #2: Sure…So when’s the party?
–Irving Place & 15th
Overheard by: Amar
Girl: So, I was thinking we could have a hick themed Thanksgiving.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: You know, we could drink bad beer, and eat gross deep-fried food, and, like, rent hick movies and stuff.
Guy: “Hick movies”?
Girl: You know, like that Nicolas Cage movie where he lives in a trailer park, or that Hilary Swank movie where she’s, like, a lesbian and stuff. Those are pretty hick.
Guy: That movie is about rape, and discrimination.
Girl: It’ll be really fun.
–A train
