…To Fuck the Statuary!

Crazy old hobo, holding up bags and drawing: Where's the moon? Where's the moon? If the earth is in Columbus Circle, then the moon would be on 64th and Central Park West! Come see my exhibition!
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Is your exhibition inside those bags?
Crazy old hobo: No, those are Michelle Obama's dresses. You want to be smart with me? Why don't you be smart and become an exhibitionist?
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Do you know what “exhibitionist” means?
Crazy old hobo: Of course! It's someone who goes to museums every day!

–1 Train

Posted on January 12, 2015
About Celebrities, Clothing, Crazies, Friends, Global Geography, Hipsters, Hobos, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Teens, Visual Art, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

–Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

–12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!

–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!

–Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

–Hell's Kitchen

Posted on January 11, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Clothing, Comebacks, Family Ties, Flyer people, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Musicians, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Tourists Are Smiling at Us!

Yellow poncho wearing dad to nine-year-old daughter: Relax!
Yellow poncho wearing nine-year-old daughter: You relax! This was obviously your idea and now we look ridiculous!

–5th Ave & 42nd St

Overheard by: Mike B

Posted on January 9, 2015
Clothing, Dads, Families, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents

Remember That Oath Your Kindergarten Class Took at Bloomingdale's

Precocious little girl: Mom, that lady is grooming the dog groomer!
Pretentious mom: That makes sense. Do you see how some of the dog show women dress themselves? Would you want to be caught dead in some of their clothes and makeup?
Precocious little girl: No.

–Westminster Dog Show Grooming Area

Overheard by: Wouldn't Be Caught Dead Either

Posted on January 9, 2015
Clothing, Death, Kids, Makeup, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Questions

It's Recycled Fabric, Motherfucker!

Hobo to bunch of hipster teenagers in line for a show: Is this the line for a shelter?
Teenagers: No.
Mini hipster girl, after he goes away: Oh, hell no. Did he just think I was homeless? I'm wearing fucking American Apparel.

–Bowery & Delancy

Posted on January 8, 2015
Clothing, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Lower East Side, Physical appearance, Questions, Teens

Whereas Clowns Are Hung Like Bears

Mother to eight-year-old daughter, gesturing to hipsters: You know why they wear those tight pants?
Eight-year-old daughter : No, why?
Mother: They got no dick. No boner in those pants.

–Lorimer & Metropolitan, Williamsburg

Posted on January 8, 2015
Clothing, Kids, Moms, Penis, Questions, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Well, Okay, but I Still Don’t Get It

Little boy to mom: What do you mean, I’ll appreciate them one day? I’ll like bras?
Little girl: My mom’s boyfriend likes bras, and he’s only twenty-two.

–Victoria’s Secret

Overheard by: Juliette

Posted on January 7, 2015
Age/Aging, Boys, Clothing, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Kids, Store

…For When I Go Predator-Trolling

Young Hispanic mother, on Disney princess dresses: So, sweetie, which one do you like the best?
Three-year-old girl: I like Jasmine's.
Young Hispanic mother: Oh yeah, that one's sexy.
Three-year-old girl: Seeeeeeexy.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Marina

Posted on December 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Kids, Latinos, Moms, Parks, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Do Their Little Turn on the Catwalk

Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I’m on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.

–69th & Broadway

Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? “Harry the Robe,” because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: gina

Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Amused listener

Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.

–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex

Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.

–Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: lil pirate

Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he’s dead.

–Stanton & Orchard

Girl, walking behind another girl who’s wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu

Posted on December 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Prison, Questions, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

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