Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, BJs, Business and Commerce, Cell Phone, Cocaine, Drinks, Drugs, Family Ties, Gripes, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners Know the Guys Down at Vice a Little Too Well

Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp.

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Alex

Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street!

–1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Kira

Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday.

–150 5th Ave

Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses.

–6 train, 68th St

Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes.

–1 train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Kimdog

Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far!

–Times Square

Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild.

–Hughes Ave, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Drunks, Family Ties, Jews, On the Subway, Prostitutes, The Bronx, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Hang the Cross Upside Down

Girl: It smells like blasphemy!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: I only smelled mulch

Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.

–8th & A

Overheard by: Meredith

Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.

–W 30th, between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Maggie

Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.

–F train

Overheard by: Yanni

College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!

–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform

Overheard by: EJ

Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!

–Downtown 1 train

Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.

–Spring & Broadway

Posted on August 9, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Jesus, Names, Religion, Scents of the City, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

By Which I Mean ‘A Really Good Way to Get Coke’

High school boy: I met him when he was doing coke at my lunch table.
High school girl: He’s a really good guy.

–Bay Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: W

Posted on July 18, 2006
Boys, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Girls, Students

But Every Brokerage Is Like That

Guy #1: Everyone who has ever worked there has come back and robbed the place.
Guy #2: If it is that bad, you should call the Better Business Bureau.
Guy #1: All the owner does is comp her friends, do coke in the back, and think she is successful.

–F train

Overheard by: Ferris

Posted on May 14, 2006
Cocaine, Friends, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, On the Subway, Thievery

Especially by the Gram

Guy: So that girl we just bumped into…she totally used to do tons of coke. But I think she stopped.
Girl: Isn’t she pregnant?
Guy: Yeah, well, babies cost lots of money.

–A train

Overheard by: kevin cooper

Posted on January 3, 2006
Cocaine, Druggies, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom

Where Are They Now? (A NYC Short Story)

Woman: What ever happened to Ceci?
Man: Ceci?
Woman: Yeah, Ceci. That little girl that got her fingers cut off. The pretty little crackhead with the beautiful soul.

–116th & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Junkie lady: Wow, that thing is nice, what year is it?
Yuppie guy: ’06, I just got it.
Junkie lady: ’06? That shit ain’t even here yet. You better put that in a garage, nigga!
Yuppie guy: I don’t have money for that or for you.

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Art Vandelay

Posted on December 16, 2005
Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Druggies, Drugs, Gadgets, Hard Drugs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, Money & Class, People, Places, Time, Topics

Cocaine