Herbal tea guy: Dude, caffeine is like, bad for you. It’s like a drug.
Espresso guy: Dude, it is a drug.
Herbal tea guy: Then you should stop ragging on people for doing coke.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Herbal tea guy: Dude, caffeine is like, bad for you. It’s like a drug.
Espresso guy: Dude, it is a drug.
Herbal tea guy: Then you should stop ragging on people for doing coke.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.
–Bryant Park
Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.
–N train, Queens
Overheard by: Morgan
Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.
–Bar, Lower East Side
Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?
–Houston and Elizabeth
Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’
–20th St & 8th Ave
Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!
–12th St & University Pl
Overheard by: Joe
Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.
–33rd & 7th
Hipster girl #1: I better watch out — after the weight I lost, my mom is thinking I’m anorexic or something. I should start eating more.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, or lay off the coke.
Hipster girl #1: Or that.
–Times Square
Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]
–LIRR waiting area
Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived
Guy: Just look! Look behind us! There’s nobody! I just bought coke. Look, just give me 20 back and I’ll leave you alone all night. I swear. I don’t go to F.I.T. I go to West Point.
–8th Ave & 25th St
Ana #1: I just did it to jump start my diet.
Ana #2: You smoked crack.
Ana #1: Just for a couple weeks, to lose the initial weight.
Ana #2: And then what did you do?
Ana #1: Now I just eat half an avocado a day.
–Equinox, Greenwich St
Restaurant patron: Wait, you are telling me you never wake up in the middle of the night and think you’re still in jail?
–Mottsu Soho
Overheard by: J
Guy on cell: I’ll be there in a few hours. No! Just wait! I mean can you please just not sleep all day again for three seconds?
–Canal St
Hobo: Sorry to disturb y’all! If you look at me closely, you will see some red marks. I was sleeping on the ground for a couple of days and I did not know that if you smell like food, those big rats will bite you.
–B Train
Overheard by: Jamie Paquette
Guy on cell: Hi. I’m just calling to say . . . ummm . . . I feel really bad about how things are going, how things have been. I don’t know if you got any sleep last night. I know I didn’t. But I guess I turned it to my best advantage, because I just gave the most amazing lecture. I talked for two and a half hours! So I guess I’m not totally useless to everyone.
–Chelsea Station Post Office
Anorexic dancer: Yeah, but I can’t wake up without toilet paper.
Friend: …..
Anorexic dancer: It makes sense to me.
–Meredith Wilson Residence Hall, Juilliard School
Overheard by: cherry
Patron to bartender: I mean, I sleep till 3 p.m., but that’s because I drink and do coke all the time. . . . I guess they do too!
–Barracuda
Guy: He’s kind of cute.
Girl: No he’s not, I do not approve.
Guy: Whatever, I think he’s a really interesting person.
Girl: Of course he’s interesting. He’s addicted to coke and he’s a gay porn star and we know all of this about him and we’ve only known him for 5 minutes.
–no idea bar 20th St & 5th Ave
Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!
–Houston & Essex
Overheard by: saywhat?
Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…
–R train
Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.
–Bank of America, 6th Ave
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…
–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3
Overheard by: Franco
Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.
–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow
Overheard by: wants to meet the ex
Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?
–14th & 6th
Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!
–80th & 3rd
Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!
–14th St L station
Overheard by: Em
Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Alex
Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street!
–1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Kira
Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday.
–150 5th Ave
Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses.
–6 train, 68th St
Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes.
–1 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Kimdog
Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far!
–Times Square
Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild.
–Hughes Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
