Cocaine

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor’s Note

Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: cole

Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.

–Media Productions class, City College

Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!

–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island

Overheard by: Alie

Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!

–Houston & Laffayette

Overheard by: Jake

Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?

–56th & 5th

Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having

Good Thing She Doesn’t Work at the Post Office

Girlfriend: Was that cocaine on your toilet seat this morning?
Boyfriend: No, that was Gold Bond.
Girlfriend: Oh… Because I put some on my teeth just to check.

–42nd St & West Side Hwy

But Here’s Some Crack for Your Trouble

Hobo #1: Hey, that cell phone you sold me — that’s a crackhead cell phone! I want my money back! You sold me a crackhead phone!
Hobo #2: What do you expect? I’m a crackhead.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: annulla

Now I’m a Jerk

Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.

–F train

Overheard by: Shaun Laika

Blaming Everything on PMS Is #2

Thugette #1: Man, where the fuck am I gonna get a prom dress and after-party outfit? You know, I should just sell crack! Ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
Thugette #2: Yeah, that’s the best part about being a girl.

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: DaraDay

Headline by: Zorak

Runners-Up:

· “By the way, are you free to babysit that night?” – bobofthejungle

· “Miracle of birth ain’t got nothin’ on pushin'” – Erin

· “Sugar and Crack and Everything Whack” – The Trayster

· “The Third Wave of Feminism Wants Its Money, Bitch” – clevecinema

· “Well, Other Than the Multiple Orgasms…” – Teppy


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I’m Much Better Now, Though

Dirty Casanova: Yeah, but I always have fun over at First Ave. The other day I saw this crackhead running around naked in front of the club.
Cute girl: He must’ve been freezing.
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, I know what that’s like… Not running naked in the cold, but being addicted to crack.

–G train, Metropolitan stop

Overheard by: Jason Hamlin

And I Might Care If I Weren’t Too Busy Cutting Coke

Druggie chick in stall #1: Yo, Keesha, does your door have a lock on it?
Druggie chick in stall #2: No, they took them off so we can’t blow coke in here anymore.
Druggie chick in stall #1: What?! That has to be illegal… I’m, like, totally open to rape right now!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Allison

We Just Want to Go Nuts at Crate and Barrel

Young woman: I paid them a little bit. They paid for Mark to go to a 50 thousand dollar drug rehab and recovery program, so I think they’ll be willing to loan us a thousand.
Man: Maybe, but he was taking it up the butt for crack. I think that’s a whole different scenario.

–Staten Island Ferry

I Use the Latter As Pace Rabbits

Yuppie lady #1: I just love jogging around the reservoir in Central Park at dawn.
Yuppie lady #2: Yeah, it’s great… The only people out at that time are fitness fanatics and crackheads.

–Elevator, Time Warner Center

I Got So Caught Up in the Troop Surge, I Lost Perspective

NYU guy: Wait, so was it cocaine? It was cocaine, right?
Random girl at another table: Are you guys talking about Anna Nicole?
NYU guy: Yes! I missed the press conference! I feel, like, so irresponsible for not keeping up.

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist