Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Instead of Going to a Third-World Country for That Stuff, Like I Do

Queer #1: Dude, I’m so broke! I never have any money!
Queer #2: That’s because you buy coke and get your face lasered!

–Vlada

Overheard by: K to tha B

Posted on May 11, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Cocaine, Default, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Queer guys, Surgery

Girls Just Wanna Have Wednesday One-Liners

Six-year-old girl, after careful consideration: Oh, well. That’s Ok. A baby is almost as much fun as a trampoline.

–Sidewalk Cafe

Guy to friend at 1 AM on a Thursday: Hey, I have an idea -let’s talk about how Dan fucked my ex-girlfriend! That’ll be fun, that’s a good story!

–PATH Train to Hoboken

Overheard by: Katie

Cali girl, to her roommate: We need to be more like coke whores but, like, without the coke, and not the whore part, but just like, opulent and fun.

–133rd & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: Nathalie

Guy on cell: But, mother, maybe she wants to have fun for a couple of years before she becomes a nun.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Killer

20-something woman on cell: When I left my mom just now she said, ‘Have fun gay-tripping in California.’ Uhmmmmm?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Middle aged babysitter corralling flock of young children down the street: This should be fun… How come it isn’t? Anybody got any ideas?

–18th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Christianity, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friendship, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Prostitution, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires

You’re Just Jealous Because Heath Ledger’s Housekeeper Called Me and Not You

Skinny girl #1: … And these guys always want to do blow with me, like all the time, it’s so weird!
Skinny girl #2: Awww, no one ever wants to do blow with me.
Skinny girl #1, whispering loudly: That’s because your ass is the size of Russia.

–Tiffany & Co.

Overheard by: EDW

Posted on April 5, 2008
Ass, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Gripes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Skinny People, Store

Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein

Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!

–Fordham University

Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.

–JFK

Overheard by: spanky

Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!

–Highline Ballroom

Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’

–W Broadway

Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SplendidConfusion

Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!

–Harlem Meer, Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Cleanliness, Cocaine, Fordham, Girls, Gripes, Hootchies, JFK Airport, Manhattan, Men, On Cell, Scents of the City, Sex, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

She’s Not Even All That Pregnant

Guy: She is not a crack whore!
Chick: She’s pregnant and she’s doing cocaine!
Guy: Well, that’s not crack.

–Starbucks

Posted on December 13, 2007
Cocaine, Idiots, Starbucks

… More Than Any of the Other Nuns

Stoner: She did coke, like, six times last week and was bleeding out of her nose.
Black girl: Ahhh, I love her.

–82nd & 2nd

Overheard by: yoni

Posted on November 23, 2007
Blood & bleeding, Cocaine, Rumor Has It, Stoners, Upper East Side

Mind If I Cut the Coke on Your Back While We’re Waiting?

Skinny model girl #1: Why is that line to the bathroom so long when no one is on that other line? Is the bathroom out of order?
Skinny model girl #2: Oh… Well, this bathroom has a table… So it’s easier to do coke. But if you just have to pee, use the other one.
Skinny model girl #1: Oh, no, I’ll just wait, then. Thanks.

–LES

Posted on October 28, 2007
Cocaine, Cocaine Diet, Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor’s Note

Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: cole

Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.

–Media Productions class, City College

Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!

–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island

Overheard by: Alie

Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!

–Houston & Laffayette

Overheard by: Jake

Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?

–56th & 5th

Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having

Posted on August 22, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Arts & Letters, Beauty, Cocaine, Compliments, Food, Gripes, Judaism, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Psychic, Questions, Science, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Cocaine