Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

Sometimes Even Math Majors Can’t Do the Math

Asian guy #1: Hey, would you date a female version of yourself?
Asian guy #2: No way bro, I don’t date white bitches.

–Columbia University

Posted on March 27, 2015
Asians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dating, Default, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Race

Chosen by the Lord, but Not by Me

Rich girl #1: It’s really hard to find guys at this school.
Rich girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Rich girl #1: Because half the guys here are gay, and if they’re not gay, they’re Jewish.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: student

Posted on March 23, 2015
Columbia University, Judaism, Rich people, Sexuality

He Refers to Sarah Palin As “Mama Mia” in Private Moments

Little boy: Mommy, John McCain likes Abba.
Mom: Does he really now? Then you two have something in common.
Little boy: Noooooo!

–College Walk, Columbia University

Posted on March 11, 2015
Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Kids, Moms, Music, Politics

Stupid Race Card

Guard: Your key card doesn't work.
Teenager: It's because I'm black.

–Columbia University

Posted on March 11, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Race, Security Guards, Stupidity, Teens

Winter Is Like a Cruel Gestapo, My Friend.

Columbia girl #1: I love spring weather. All the people are so happy…
Columbia girl #2: And all the hot guys come out of hiding.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: ECW

Posted on March 2, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Happiness, Horny, Sorority Girls, Weather

White Bread, but Still

Freshman girl #1: Oh my god! Bread! My bread!
Freshman girl #2: Wait…what…? Oh, yeah! Bread! I love you, bread!
Freshman girl #1: Oh, bread. You're my bread.

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: pomy

Posted on February 26, 2015
Columbia University, Food, Love, Students, Weirdness

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

How the Citibank Takeover Actually Works: Explained

Hobo to four pretty girls: Hi ladies, how're you doing today?
Girls: Good, thanks, how are you?
Hobo: Just so you know, when I win my 171 million, I'm taking you all on vacation!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Posted on February 25, 2015
Columbia University, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Travel, Weirdness

And They’d Be Pouring Margaritas for Everyone

[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Greg T

Posted on February 23, 2015
Accidents, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Men, Old People, Questions, Women